Please help and advice. My wife moved out three weeks ago and already has the papers. She dropped the bomb on me a month ago. She told me she loved me, but wasn't in love me, we were like friends. Life is too short. Said we were both unhappy. I told her I was but was a little sad how the last couple of months were going. We didn't talk much, etc. Told me she didn't want to work it out. She said her feeling changed after an argument we had a 1 1/2 ago. That she told my 15yr d in March that she wanted me to be with someone and she didn't want anyone. Wanted to be on her own. After finding out about WAW syndrome, that was our life this year and I just sat there and watched it happen without knowing it was going on.
She thinks divorce is best for her and kids. I told her it wasn't good for the kids. She replied it is just as bad for an unhappy home. I can see where she is coming from on that point. If I closed up like she did and built up a wall, then sat around thinking about it and stewing over it for that long, I would be unhappy to. It doesn't really reflect the marriage, but all the built up emotions. After being out just a week, she said she was happy. That really hurt. I figure all of the built up pressure that she had was finally released and that is why she is feeling this way. Someone said not to believe a lot of what they say, because they are hurting too and that is their defense mechanism.
She got to know some old girlfriends from facebook and started hanging out with them. I figure they are the ones that is helping her along with her decisions, offering that comforting ear.
I tried all the begging, books, etc that you are not supposed to do while I have been in the panic mode. Then I started looking for help. I found Divorce Busting and a couple others.
Something else that didn't help my cause, was a well meaning counselor at my wife's work told her that about the time a man is ready to change, the woman is done. She works at a hospital. Thanks for the dagger.
We had the normal troubles before the fight but overall it was a good marriage. I have done some soul searching and I have figured out where I let her down as a husband. And through listening to some of the things she told me, I picked up another problem, she said I could be over bearing when I didn'thttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=newpost&Board=20 think i had control. Guess what, that is probably how she saw all the begging and pleading I did to get her to stay.
I have decided to fight for my marriage. If she files right now, she will have to file irreconcilable differences. I told my kids and myself I would do everything to fight for our family. I don't agree with this and I would be letting my kids down if I signed. She will be mad at first, but oh well. Then I have about 10-11 months because she will change it to no default. Then I can implement strategies from Divorce Busters, help from here and some coaching.
There is a book out there called Walk-Out Woman and I read a good bit of it. In a panic state, I gave it to my wife hoping she would read it. What I did read in it, it was like the people writing the book was in my house.
Has anyone been able to bring their marriage back from this darkness? I know it is a long, hard and painful journey, but I Love them all too much to just give up without a fight.
