Yeap have not asked. The mind of a WAS is something else. W started convo this morning but has stopped eating breakfast with me. After laundry I go into the office where W is I said M- W going to the store do you need anything W- no thanks we are going there this afternoon.. Oh by the way I took Wednesday off. I still have vacation left M- tha t is great you haven't taken much time off W- I know and it is the end of year
Don't get it she is very guarded with info.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick, you talk as if the two of you are not S. Yet, your signature line states that you are. Take away the fact that the two of you still reside under one roof....would you expect her to eat breakfast with you? Would you expect her to share all her information (you said she had been guarded about it), would you think anything of her being rather cool toward you?
If nothing else, she is doing this to remind you of the status of the M. You're expecting her to continue acting like your W......but she's not.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi I hear you. Don't get my hopes up. She is not my W I have to remember that. Pretty sad truth. She ate breakfast with me until a few days ago but that changed. We still eat dinner together, she might stop that too. Should be prepared for that to be next. The thing is that I'm competing with a horse and whatever goes on at the barn instead of OP. Most of the females that work there are D or single. In 15 days we will be in court for the 1st time. That is pretty serious and looking final. Reality will set in for everyone on that day.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick, Sandi's comments are exactly what went through my head upon reading your post. You're separated. So you live in the same house, that's convenience-based not relationship-based.
Your w isn't being guarded, she's just treating you like any other person who doesn't rate in her world. Sorry if that sounds blunt but it's where things are at. Think of someone she knows but isn't great friends with... Younger getting the same info that person would get. The coldness in delivery comes from you trying to press, perhaps even subconsciously, and her reminding you where things stand.
My w and I have pretty open and engaged talks when we do talk. BUT I don't read anymore into it than she is talking to a good friend, maybe best friend, definitely best male friend. W and I just had a good convo, at her initiation, about my weekend. But I look at it as a friend to friend chat, nothing more right now. I also only gave her the friend level info...
You have to be where she is at. Otherwise she will keep pulling away from you because you're coming at her. I would have left the vacation talk at "oh, ok" and walked out. She was giving you logistical info that you used to try and create a connection with. If you're honest with yourself, weren't you hoping your last comment was going to spark a greater convo about her life? Then you could live the thrill of the connection again. We're junkies for it, I'm as guilty as the next person, and keeping ourselves from "shooting up" is really, really hard.
She went guarded because she sensed you were doing more with the logistics info than she intended so she shuts it right down.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Feeling down today but not as bad as yesterday. Tonight will attend the divorce care group. The guess speaker is a female who completed the program and reconciled. Like to hear her story. Slept like crapp last night woke up at 2am. Things are not worse at home so I guess that is a positive. W starts most convos. That is a change from 3-4 weeks ago. Not long convos but something. Tomorrow I see my IC someone to talk to about my stich.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick, you have your DivorceCare group to look forward to tonight. I hope it's encouraging. Just think about what you are doing for yourself right now. It's highly improbable your W is doing any of these things for herself.
Rick, Let me know how your meeting goes tonight. I will be curious to hear what the woman who reconciled has to say. Just took a walk around the block, good to get out and get some air.
Wish I could get my bike out, or do my run at the canal towpath, unfortunately it is a muddy quagmire. I will have to do the treadmill at the gym.
Enjoy the meeting, Gunny p.s. whats with the silverware?
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Very sad. My L just called me to ask for a list of what I wanted. I said I did not want furniture, did'nt want to hurt her 401k, but the main thing is that I want reasonable and liberal visitation rights and to argue for the least amount of CS. The assessts will be 50/50 ie the house. He said this makes it all very easy. So he said you could be D 11/16, on your 1st court date and save money. WTF now???
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Very sad. My L just called me to ask for a list of what I wanted. I said I did not want furniture, did'nt want to hurt her 401k, but the main thing is that I want reasonable and liberal visitation rights and to argue for the least amount of CS. The assessts will be 50/50 ie the house. He said this makes it all very easy. So he said you could be D 11/16, on your 1st court date and save money. WTF now???
WoW R! We're pretty much on the same timeline. I just got back from my L's office with some paperwork. Signed to answer the Dissolution summons, and W's L scheduled a pretrial for 11/3. Nothing like tryin to fast track this thing. My L says this could be over 11/3 if I choose. L and I came up with putting in a 60 days before I have to leave. Gives me time to tie up some loose ends and more importantly inform the kids. Time is no longer on my side....
Me:38 W:35 T:13 M:10 (3/15/01) SD:12 D:9 S:4 Need time to think: 7/19/11 D Bomb Dropped: 8/26/11 W serves me D papers: 9/6/11 Officially served 9/30/11
