thanks 25 and JB. I smiled about the therapist as toxic See, what I think may have happened is since W is also a therapist, they were more like 'friends' than client/dr. so .... well, I was a client....not a friend.
it seems a bit ....unethical huh?
It's also complicated b/c my primary therapist is another one in the office and this particular one who called me 'toxic' supposedly, only sees me every few months for medication. I hadn't explained that part, but I think it's pertinent b/c the otehr therapist has seen me for several years ---- this woman has only seen me every few months for meds and and hour of talk therapy. She sees W every month..... Hope that all made sense. In other words, i think W and T have had crossed some boundaries and I think W has told T things about me that are simply not true and that T cannot tell by meeting with me a couple of times a year for meds....
Off to class.. Wanted to check in here. Hope you are ALL having a good day today. Keep praying for me. I'm slowly coming around and almost went to *gasp* church yesterday. Trust me, not a small step for this agnostic!!!!! Grasping for the bigger picture and meaning.
Read Victor Frankl's Man's search for meaning if you want something to put things in perspective. AMAZING.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
aside from how incredibly coincidental the call I got from the friend who then died the next day (and you know I'm kind of FREAKING ON THAT),
you may want to read the eulogy Steve Jobs sister gave for him...pretty inspiring. You might not be so agnostic. Don't let idiots cause you to toss out the baby with the bath water.
SEE THE L....
and next time your w says her T said you were "toxic" I'd have a hard time not reacting...
"well, w, based on YOUR version of events and her 'objective/thorough' knowledge of me, I guess I'll take that with a pound of salt."....
Um, is that DBing? Well....I'm not perfect. But I'm really pretty good with sarcasm!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My heart is breaking for you, sweetie. I know that pain. It's in every part of your body, 24/7. I wish I had some soothing words to give you, but I don't.
Some people would say it takes guts for the WAS to decide to leave. I say bulls**t. It is the coward's way out. It is avoiding the hard work it takes to make a marriage complete. It is following immature, selfish desires without any regard for the lives that are damaged.
They are not worth our tears.
We cannot change what is happening. We cannot force our WAS's to love us, or to reconcile, or to see what horrible decisions they are making. We can only save ourselves. We can only learn to love ourselves and be proud of the fact that we took anything our WAS's dished out and still stood for our principles.
I_S, I do believe we will get better over time. The pain will lessen and we will be able to wake up and not immediately thing of the storm we are in. Right now, all we can do is let the pain and sorrow wash over us and accept it. We can try to stop thinking of OPs, of our WAS's insanity, of what we had in the past, because that is gone. It is a miserable, harsh reality but our marriages and spouses are history, just as we are to them.
We cannot let them control our lives any more. Let them live in the world they have created; we want no part of it.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Some people would say it takes guts for the WAS to decide to leave. I say bulls**t. It is the coward's way out. It is avoiding the hard work it takes to make a marriage complete. It is following immature, selfish desires without any regard for the lives that are damaged.
I totally concur. Taking the supposedly easy road is anything but courageous.
first of all -----thanks so much to all of you. Telemark, I was hoping you would come by and check on my sitch sometime. All of your wonderful kind words have been very helpful.
I took a break, really pretty much from the computer *except for work related/school related* because i was up and down --- and have made so many mistakes I couldn't face coming here and admitting how many I've made LOL.
Ok, I'll briefly catch up what's been going on in the next post, but I wanted to once more say thanks so much for the thoughts, prayers, hugs and everything. I know if you are like me, you think of the people on this board when you are not on the board.... the situations have a way of remaining in my mind/heart and I think of so many of you daily.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Well, Saturday the 29th W texted me she would not be home that night.... S was with her parents, she stayed with OW. I was crushed you may recall.... CRUSHED. I mean, knowing what is happening--- knowing there is someone else --- knowing she goes out there on weekends during the day..... all that is bad enough but to TEXT me that she is SPENDING THE NIGHT with OW???? I was in pain beyond anything I could have imagined. I'm glad S wasn't home. I was a wreck.
So W strolls in the next morning about 11 am. I try to DB...but, well.... we talked some, but not really much. She mostly threatened me with the house and selling it...blah blah blah.... She was livid that I had the NERVE to be sad that she was spending the night over there. I explained that she had blatantly made plans with me for later --- she was going to an 'office party' supposedly, then coming home to watch a vampire movie with me. She said, "Oh, well, I was out and OW texted me. I went over and I decided that since S wasn't home, why not just stay......"
I understand that we are 'separated' 'broke up' or whatever...but still living together. I understand the concept, but I have to question it. I mean....some of us have talked about this on here before. The WAS just says the words, and as if it's some sort of 'magic potion' they immediately FEEL AS IF THEY ARE SINGLE. No remorse. No ties. No respect for VOWS...etc... I could go on but you get the idea. I'm sorry, but after 13 years and a child, I think our relationship deserved a chance where I was actually told there were problems and that we were both working on it. She says, "Oh, I tried so hard..." I say, "Why didn't you tell me we needed to ...." She says, "You couldn't have heard me." and it's a vicious circle.
Telemark --- you are SO RIGHT. It does not take courage to walk away from a long term relationship- especially with a child. It is absolutely the cowardly thing to do. I, and those of us here, want to save our families. The WAS....I'm not sure what they are thinking. I was talking to a friend the other day and she said, "You know, i was thinking about your situation. It's really sad. I always thought it would have to be some really serious thing like cheating, drugs, etc... to leave someone after so long and having a family." I said, "Yep....my thoughts exactly."
So the week after W's allnighter (omg how it still hurts) I was so hurt, angry, and just aptly in shock again that I detached really. It felt pretty darn good. I was doing ok for a little over a week. I thought, well, if that's how I'm going to be treated, who needs her/it????? And I felt ok.
For some reason, the past few days I've had a rough time again. I've done some pursuing. Even had some small R talks, --- W says things like " you are a good person, just not the person for me." and of course I did dumb things like reasoning.... She says " It's more than I am willing to do"
Anyway, train wreck of my neediness and so forth for the past few days. (part of it is undeniably hormonal -- sorry guys, but PMS is real) So I MAKE IT WORSE!!!!! Funny, the week I was acting as if I could care less (b/c I felt that way) she actually had a few moments that were nicer than usual. Yes, 25, I know what that means...LOL..
THIS is why I don't need to take another extended vacation from the board. I forget my DBing and left to my own devices, push her right into OW's arms.
2 X4's please.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
See, what I think may have happened is since W is also a therapist, they were more like 'friends' than client/dr. so .... well, I was a client....not a friend. 
