What do I do next?

[luvhurts49]

Well, today I get to officially hire my lawyer so I could respond to being served. When my W dropped off my youngest S this morning, I wanted to make one, last ditch effort of making sure my she wanted to do this, but I didn't (don't know why). I just know that in a day or two, her mood is gonna swing and things will probably never get better between us.

I know I shouldn't give up and I'm not, but it is hard not to see that my W wants this and not me--that she would rather go it alone than to work it out so we can be a family together. I've found it unbearable to not see and play my kids everyday and often wonder how she does it--how she blocks out the pain and sadness of not being with her kids everyday.

So today begins the first day of the end of our marriage (in my eyes). Although I will never give up on my W or our M, it just doesn't look very promising and it's a shame that the real victims of this D will likely be out kids and the thought of that hurts more than anything.