DB'ing is soooo hard!

[Finah]

has crushed us financially.

You need to start securing your finances....EA/PA doesn't matter, they are known to burn thru money.

She has told us that she is resolving a lifetime of issues and is not sure what she will be in the end, nor how she will figure into the family in the end, if at all.

That's mature.

She has asked for solitude

One way ticket to the moon perhaps?

and that if she chooses to share anything to just hear her out and make no immediate response.

wow if I was a woman I hope to find a guy like you who would just let me talk and offer nothing in return.

She has said she is so burnt out she cannot handle anyone's else's needs,

She seems to have no problem meeting the needs of POSOM.

and does not want to be burdened with guilt.

Yeah why deal with reality this is much more fun.

For example, she will see my unhappiness and her not trusting me as a reason for her feeling bad about us but will not discuss what is behind it all. So basically I get told over and over about her bad feelings but she will not discuss any issue in depth. If I try to reason, it pushes her further away. It's tough because I don't want to agree with her when its not justified and if I keep quiet she feels that she is right and we are not compatible, but if I try to talk about it she says this is evidence that we can't get along.

My WW is kind of like this in a sense, which really I don't think is good at all, the EA/PA's that resolve mainly around that issue......never really end good.

A lot of the success stories revolve around the notion that most who are having the A......have no intention of leaving their family.........but they don't want to lose their A partner either........and when push come to shove it's usually the family that wins out.

This kind of just shutting down and leaving everything behind.......is a serious issue w/ ur W, which you know.

Reflected sense of self, fusion, the whole 9. She see's that you are unhappy which makes her unhappy, your attempts at GAL don't work on her b/c she doesn't trust them, she doesn't trust them b/c it doesn't change how she feels, her inability to self soothe when you are happy.

Meaning her happiness doesn't come from w/ in...... Hence her EA, which probably makes her happy on some degree, but she is quite conflicted b/c she is not completely happy and can't figure out why.

She will continue to pull farther and farther away b/c she see's you as a source of the unhappiness, you, the kids, the house.

Rick.......you are coming up on 9 months of this.

You keep this up much longer and you will run yourself into the ground.

Time for a separation in my opinion. And she is the one to go, not you.

I think you have to make this happen somehow, even if she is unwilling to leave.

The thing with your cousin.....isn't going to last, it won't work, your entire family from the sounds of it will ostracize them to the fullest.

But I'm afraid that if you stay w/ her........she is going to constantly see you as the problem, the whole trust thing, funny coming from someone who is having an A.

And if she hasn't ended her EA by now.......which sounds like a PA to me.....

Then it's time for some change, b/c this isn't working.

1 rule though........the kids stay with you, at all cost, they are more important than your W at this point.

Really I think there is a good chance this might be saved.......but a separation sounds like its in order.

Just my opinion though......9 months + unwilling to end her EA/PA.......someone needs to go.