I'm still here part III

[JustStunned]

DG, I am so very sorry he filed. That is a crappy way to find out. I have only imagined your pain. I expect to feel it soon.

Know that tomorrow is another day and there is a day after that and another. We will get through it. We have already been through much.

Your post has finality in it. We both know that even if you decide this is the end of this, that every end has a beginning following it. It is up to each of us to unravel the threads of that new beginning and take the journey. You have options to choose.

To continue to stand.

To step off into the new and make it yours.

Whatever you decide we will be here for you to lean in to

[jbnati]

Geez, DG...I just now read this. This sux! I can't believe you found out this way.

Just remember your H is in a very dark place right now.

Also remember what you've done for yourself. It is simply amazing when I think of the DG from your first posts and the DG now. You are a totally new person. I wish your H had done half as much for himself as what you've done. If so - you probably wouldn't be here.

It's not over until YOU say it's over. Since you've been through this before, you know this is just an initial step.

If it does go all the way to D, I'm sure your next H will ben upgrade. With all the changes you've made with yourself, I'm sure there have been many men who are noticing.

Hang in there! I've got you in my prayers!

[~¤DG¤~]

Thank you for the support everyone. I really needed to read that.

I feel....numb, I guess. There isn't any other way to describe it.

Even though this hurts like h*ll, I remind myself that these past 10 months I have been extremely proactive in terms of making myself a better woman. When I look in the mirror, I like the woman looking back at me. That hasn't happened like, ever.
This has been a tremendous experience for me. I honestly thing that H couldn't deal with the fact that the changes in me were sincere. I feel the more I moved forward, the more stuck he felt.

Now would be the time that the old DG would get angry and get spiteful. I'm not going down that road. I refuse to. That DG is gone.

I took a big step tonight and cancelled H's cell phone. If he wants to separate his life from me, then so be it. I've got to take some steps to protect myself.
His OW can take care of him now. My time is up.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

I didn't sleep worth a damn last night, but I pretty much expected that.
Surprisingly, I am doing ok. As ok as I can be I guess.
I'm sure I'll have more moments, but I am not going to sit around and wait for them to happen.

Something needs to change.

[paige40]

Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you. All you can do is go forward. I love hearing that you like the woman you see when you look in the mirror. That is the reason you had to take this journey. The most important person in your life should be YOU.

Good job cancelling his phone. Onward and upward.

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks Paige. I appreciate the support.

I'm having an ok day. Ran around with S10 today doing errands, but we had a nice time together. He was very upset last night. He says he doesn't matter to H, and I just held him and told him that we will all be ok.
He was better today.

I find myself going back and fourth between anger, disbelief, and sadness. This is really happening to me. The place I didn't want to be in, I am in. I know that things will pass and eventually it won't hurt so much, but right now it's almost unbearable.

I will not text him anymore. I'm glad his phone will be disconnected and then I won't even have to think about it.

[Queen_of_Swords]

I'm so sorry you found out that way DG.
Hugs to you and yours.
That L just gave other L's a bad name. Sheesh what cheek!
These WAS just don't have a clue what turmoil, pain and disruption they inflict on the innocent, and they don't care either.
Still, you've become so strong in these last months. I do believe he's going to eventually look around and wonder what the heck happened and gawp in awe at who you have become.
Keep on going sister! Like the pangs of labour, something good will come of it.

[~¤DG¤~]

QOS-

I hope you are right. Something good has to come of this or I don't know what I'll do.

Tomorrow I am going to call my therapist and see if I can get in this week sometime. I need it.

[jbnati]

DG, you're already in a better place, and you will definitely be in an even better place. I don't know how that can't happen.

I am glad you scheduled up your therapist, BTW.

Hugs ((())) and prayers.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

I haven't slept well in 2 days and today I didn't want to get out of bed.

But I had to.

I'm hoping once I am at work surrounded by all the usual chaos I'll be fine. In reality, today is no different than any other day has been the past 9 months.

S10 has been clingy the past few days as well. He didn't want to go to his Dad's house last night and asked to stay another day with me. His Dad said it was fine so he stayed.
I know he worries about me, but I always assure him that I am fine and when he's with his Dad I'm super busy.
Poor kid...he's been through so much this past year. We all have.

I can't wait for this to be over.

I don't think I'd take my H back even if he wanted to come back. He's done so much to hurt me and my kids, he doesn't deserve us.