IB Your post rang bells with me - my eldest son told me that i 'normalized' and enabled my xh to cope for much longer than he might have done if he had not been in a stable and loving relationship.
There was a [now] hilarious story about a concert where OW was shouting abuse at an old friend of ours who she believed had criticised her way of life [repeated pattern of running off with married men].
As OF pointed out, whatever she felt about it, a public concert where my OF was the highly respected organiser, was hardly the place to start abusing her . . . . .
Now, years later my xh is doing much more to try and build relationship with his kids, but i am not sure he actually knows how. But that is for him to figure out. And that is the point. I don't think they KNOW how to have proper relationsihps anymore. It is a skill that needs to learnt or re-learnt. Maybe we are born with it and it is knocked out of us.
All the books that I am currently working through, and there are 4 which complement each other very well [I don't read them all at once!] stress the importance of forgiveness and love, for ourselves and those who have hurt and harmed us. I still struggle with OW, I am sorry to say. even though I know she is a sad and damaged woman who my xh doesn't like or respect. I know she needs my compassion, and I struggle to find it, I really do
