A Bklyn tale

[2thepoint]

ILYBNILWY came out of no where I was not expecting this at all, I feel betrayed “why didn’t he say something before it was simply too late???

None of us are prepared for the ILYBNILWY. And frankly, there were signs. I know there were in my sitch and from your description, it sounded like there were signs in yours as well.

So lets be honest, had we been given the heads up as opposed to a 2x4 upside the head, would we have done anything of real substance to remedy the problem? For me the answer is probably not. I think it takes a real crisis for people to pay attention. Unfortunately, for those of us who now find our marriages collapsing, that comes as small comfort.

It sounds like your GAL activities are working really well for you. If nothing else, you are doing things that make you happy and they help to get your mind off your troubles. And that is good for your children as well.

I think that if your family knows about your sitch then it is probably ok to share with the new friends you are meeting in the neighborhood. You never know if a new deep friendship might develop and the last thing I'd think you'd want is to start out with secrets that eventually have to come out. I wouldn't be advertising per se, but I don't think it hurts to say you and your H are having problems and are taking time to sort things out. Just my 2 centavos!

Regarding the manipulation, I've read here and elsewhere to never do something that will hurt your chances of a R. So, I would think carefully about whether or not things could be damaged if your H realized he was being manipulated.

Also, is manipulation potentially another area of focus in your R? You may want to look deep to see if there are patterns there that might be worthy of further exploration.

Keep working on you, and in those areas where you know you have challenges, (anger, etc.) keep doing what works. And if you do R with your H, I would encourage you to continue your IC sessions and AD if they are helping. In other words, don't stop if things happen to improve, otherwise you'll likely end up back where you are now.

Hang in and know that you have friends here who are pulling for you!