I've been away from here for several weeks because it didn't 'feel' like the place to be. I've grown some and lost some of that growth. I'm in a bit of a grey area as it seems and it's changed my perception on my growth. Seems I've not done a lot GAL'ing as I had originally thought.
The "Grey Area" I'm talking about is that for several weeks now my wife has spoken to me. She even looks at me when talking. She has called me on several occasions on her way home from work to inform me of her errands she needs to run and if we needed anything. She has even gone about baking and cooking more in the past several weeks than she's done in over a year. My lovely wife is showing signs of who she was before my job stress assisted the deteriorating of our relationship.
This all sounds great, but the "Grey Area" comes from the cold fact that she still sleeps in the living room. It would seem she's adamant that there is no future for us and yet she's content to be around me more than she has for a very long time.
I've re-read over and over again the "Six Stages" and I just don't see "Acceptance" on her part. I don't think she's at that stage or even if she's on the cusp. She's different, but the same and this is harder for me than being the obvious target of much of her anger. Ugh!
Where I've grown the most lately is coming to terms that her need isn't another man. I think I've come to the understanding, with help of reading books, that her struggle is with aging. She's having trouble with getting older and I don't know how to help. My son told her that I said she was sexy and she got angry and told him not to say that. It may have been a bit much to say to him at the time, but I said it to my son in a candid moment.
I'm struggling with wanting to be there for her/maintaining my happy place/ and being the target of resentment. I don't always know if I'm doing enough or not doing enough. I don't want to make things worse, but I also want to embrace her easing up on the anger. I just don't know when or if I'm putting pressure on her. I'm struggling with letting go enough to 'fully' enjoy any positive signs. It feels like I've been trained to expect a certain way and now the rug keeps getting yanked out from under me, but also occasionally put back. Without her actually talking to me about us, I'm more confused now than ever.
Is there an instruction manual for the grey area somewhere?
