Learning from the pain....hard lessons

[In_Shock]

[u][/u]wanted needed to go to philly, but i had decided that even though it's not THAT much $$, I am going to have to cut wayyyyyyy back in preparation for the perhaps 40% lower standard of living I keep hearing about.....

THis AM when she came home she said she is going to sell the house. I've said before, I have paid half the mortgage, even if my name is not on it. I would like to keep the house, kind of as a .....what if she comes back, it's still our home....but at the same time......would it just be better to start myself fresh somewhere new? I'm conflicted.

Yes, S is THE most important thing to me. I realize I'm projecting some of my pain onto him. I will try to do my best to fight for him and to make sure --- and i have been---that he knows how much I love him.

I really do not think she has thought the reality through of living with her and S alone. I have been the one who gets to spend an average of 5 or more hours with him per day. Much of it alone in the past few months! She barely sees him most days.

Ugh.......if i can just keep putting one foot in front of the other......I'm just not sure i have the strength to do the actual things i will have to do...moving, etc..... My life has fallen apart and I'm terrified.