Daughter is not mine...

[25yearsmlc]

So sorry for your losses....I've lost 3 members of my family in about 15 months
(a few years back) and it DOES stink and it is very hard...

but I really am lost as to parts of this story...how old was your d? Why was she out of state? Where were you? What were the issues YOUR W SAID you two had?

If she were here, what would SHE complain of? What are you doing about those?

This has been the worst year of my life. My dad died. My oldest daughter died. Mom had double mastectomy. Now I find out that my three year old is not mine.

I started this thread on the[*edited by dbmod--reference not allowed]. I came here about two months ago. I have read both DB and DR as well as Not Just Friends. I have had several phone consultations with JoAnnne. I am all over the place emotionally.

what does your coach say to do? I'm guessing she suggests, in part, to divide the problems into manageable pieces...

The issues of infidelity is unfortunately all too common.

on both sides?

Since our sex life has been nonexistent it nagged at the back of my mind. Now, our oldest daughter was hospitalized numerous times, often out of state, so that limited the contact we had.

But our relationship had gotten so bad that at the end of 2006 I started keeping track of when we had sex.

How was it bad? What part of that belongs to you? What have YOU done to address that?

We have had sex 5 times since December 2006. the last time being November 16th and 17th, 2008.

Why do you believe that is the case? What does your wife SAY or DO about sex?

After all of my reading I started back tracking the calendar. We had sex eight months and one week prior to Audrey being born. My guess now is that she missed her period after [censored] someone else so she slept with me two nights in a row so there would be plausible deniability.

or guilt, or confusion...why read so negatively into it? Just asking...and your word choice shows a lot of anger. While I understand the anger, AND I DO,

it's so NOT helpful to a reconciliation IF that is what you want.. is it possible the loss of your d is adding to that?

I ordered a DNA test kit online. It said that there is a 0% chance I am the father. I paid $500 for one that will be admissable in court and it said the same thing.


"admissible" for what? WHo are you suing for the life or death of a deceased child? I'm confused...

I ordered a second kit for my kindergartener; she is mine. I called a geneticist to see if they can trace DNA from my dead daughter's baby teeth or if I may have to have her body exhumed. Has my marriage been based on lies since Day 1?

why would you want to pretend that exhuming her would answer that question? It doesn't....and it's just a sad terrible thing to do to your innocent d...


Wife moved out the beginning of September (two days before my birthday). She has gotten our lives so tangled up with the OM. They started a business together (with our funds).

how'd that happen? Have you taken action to protect your financial interests?


She says now they are just friends. But she is not interested in working on our marriage.

Are you SURE there's an OM and that he is the one? She has not told you he is and she's not said she's "in love w/OM"?

Believe it or not, that's good news for you if you are interested in having a marriage. May not feel like it but it's better than her telling you that she LOVES OM and never loved you and blah blah blah.

Isn't it possible she loved YOU like she said? And either didn't know about the paternity or wanted YOU as the father? See anything positive in that?

We went to counseling four times but she admitted it was just so she could say that she went. She told me that she had been unhappy for a really long time. I was suffering from severe depression (being treated for it). She says that she checked out years ago and is not coming back.

when did you start getting treated for it? Was it related to your d's illness/death? Before it? How did you treat your w when you were depressed?


There is so much more to say and write but I just wanted to get this out there for some advice/feedback/help.

I have been doing the 180.

what is it?

My weight is back to what it was when we first started dating. I have been dressing better. Making sure I am the first one to end conversations. Not always returning calls/texts right away.

Just got off the phone with her. She is coming over later to pick up the girls and wants me to help her move some of her itmes out of the basement.

I want to tell her KCUF You.

I don't know what that^^^ means...sounds angry, but like I said, I don't know what it means...

I know one of the articles on here talked about a guy helping his wife move out.

My wife is very meticulous. I feel she has had this planned for a very long time. She is making plans for us to try and sell the house in the spring.

Help!!

how can we help you? WHAT kind of support do you want?

Can you give us more info please?

See the questions above and try answering those AND OR what Sandi asked and we can go from there....