By law you have to have the kids 56 days over a 16 week period. If you do not the person receiving the benefit must tell the agency, its the law......
You do not meet this criteria by a long way......
Sorry
This is not what I wanted......
M - child benefit is for the kids, not rent
W - Ok well I will let u know the date I will b moving back in
W - I will stop the CSA claim but don't go for D14 benefit otherwise I will move back in
M - U put these wheels in motion, not me
Have you heard nothing of what I said, what I believe is right and wrong, but more so
Who I am as a person
Saying u don't know y u did this......WTF
I have had my choices removed by YOU
YOU HAVE DONE THIS
What I feel 4 u means nothing now, how much lower can u possibly go....
W - I will call the CSa tonite and stop the claim
M - Do what u got to do, as u always have, no one has stood in ur way from day 1, esp me.
I have been criticised for defending u, but that's me.
I tried to make this work, everything, but no more
I love you still now, but this is the first time I have realised I can take no more.
W - I have called them and cancelled the claim
M - U are the one who said in your solicitors letter not to speak with u, but to go through them.
AGAIN THIS WAS YOUR CHOICE, not mine to start with.
After you nasty angry email last Monday I have still not received anything from your solicitors. I will be contacting mine in the morning to chase up and write to you about this.
And you don't know y u did this,
WTF
WHERE DID U THINK THIS WOULD GO??????
No solicitor in their right mind would have advised u to do this.....
What, did u expect me to do? bend over some more.
Now the csa are aware, and will want some answers
I TRULY AM SORRY
W - Well they have cancelled the claim, my solicitor is in hols till next mon, why can't we just talk?
M - "Well they have cancelled the claim"
And YOU expect ME to believe that after your constant lies, and going back on your word continually. Plus everything else you have done, no thanks, not worth the risk, I will respond.
Again, I feel I have no choice, what did u expect me to do FFS
Who are you, I don't know you anymore...........
W - If that's wat u think then so b it but the claim has been cancelled
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Nothing to update, just that I think I will move my attention over to the MLC forum.
I know I and others have said that w seems to be in MLC, but up till last week I wasn't sure, I had read bits about it, but it was this.....
M - why have you done this
W - I don't know why
M - WTF, you don't know why you have done this?
W - no
So although this seems strange to me, what I have been readings says its actually true in their head.
And the fact that w keeps asking to talk, even though everything is sorted out (finances, kids scheduling, divorce which I still believe she hadn't filed and I said I wouldn't challenge it..it was a threat as she said she was angry)
That has confirmed it to me. Also looking back all the 'grenades' as I called them I believe were "touch and goes"
I read quite a bit on MLC over the weekend and it all seems to fit IMHO.
I know I need to concentrate on me, that's not a problem, and I respect the views of the bits who say don't waste your time researching, concentrate on you but-
1 - I like learning new things 2 - it gives me an understanding 3 - db principles are similar but slightly different in this case IMHO 4 - this new subject to learn and understand is very relevant
Not going to obses about it, just learn.
Now, just got to try and sum up the main points from 3 threads, going to take a while me thinks, lol
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
If you want to understand MLC, it's certainly good to know about...
As "confused" as my W seems to be and I can certainly point to... MLC indicators that I witness in my W's words and behaviours...
There's one VERY important thing to note:
+ MLC takes time... plain and simple...
There is NOTHING you can do to help or encourage someone to get out of the MLC tunnel and you CAN NOT speed up the process...
Because I'm a "doer" or "fixer", it's very hard for me to be patient... MLC... not my friend... I don't want my W to be MLC... because otherwise... it all starts to seem completely futile as it could be at least another three years for my W to make her way to the end of the tunnel... not sure I can wait it out... especially because of OM(s)...
If your W is MLC, or at least that you believe she is MLC...
be prepared to wait... what will seem to be an interminably, unbearably, long time...
People who's spouses are MLC... well... a hard lesson learned I suppose, ultimately must stop focusing or paying anything more than cursory attention to their spouse...
Time to really and truly focus on yourself... and your kids...
Haven't posted for a few weeks now, as things have got REALLY crazy.
I will timeline the goings on over the next few days.
I'm writing this as I need to sound out and get some thoughts.
I have decided to file myself.........
Reason being is I need to get away from w's crazy antics (hopefully) bring some stability to my kids, and most importantly look after my health as I spend a couple of days in hospital last week with heart issues.
Thanks all for looking in, and I will journal the events of the last few weeks soon so I cam get some feedback.
And, sorry for not posting, its been hard
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
As a prelude of info to come, the following passage below is quoted word for word from her latest solicitors letter I received 3 days ago.(the letter was just a story to try and discredit me IMHO if kids sit gets messy, and contained nothing which related to D)
"Our client feels there is a need for your client to consider obtaining professional help for his condition as clearly he does not see himself as having any blame as a result of the breakdown of the parties marriage"
As you all will know, I (as most LBS do) offered many apologies in the outset after bomb drop for what I felt were some of my contributions, but hey.
The sad thing is, it made ME actually question myself....but I know the truth
What makes this statement even crazier is that W has said
1 - she expected me to react differently
2 - sees I have changed
3 - asked D14 why is dad so calm
4 - she has done things out of anger "as I won't talk to her"
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
GAL man, I have so much sympathy and empathy for you right now. Their craziness, contradictory actions, chaotic thoughts, confusion also take their toll on us. Waiting is hard enough with a defined limit. This has no defined limit to point to. Hugs from me to you.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I have a serious issue with my wife 40, midlife crisis, weight loss, body looking banging, new friends, gives me the typical ILWYBNILWY speech, wants a divorce. 4 weeks devastated, fog clearing for me. Read Divorce Remedy, great ideas in there but I have come to one conclusion, a WAW or WAH cannot be brought back by any Jedi mind tricks. Sure we can improve upon ourselves, make ourselves more attractive emotionally and physically but ultimately the power is with the WAS. In my case I can fully see the signs of it, kind of typical, hormones, flattering attention by members of the opposite sex, destructive friends to the marriage, lack of intimacy, a selfish feeling of being unfulfilled, damn our family I want to be "Happy". I am GALing and will be moving out next month and wife is going forward with the D, we met with a mediator yesterday. I looked at her in our meeting and thought, "Who replaced my wife with this alien so hellbent on destroying everything". I will not do this forever, I was a decent husband, I tried my best to make it work. I will not allow to destroy my self-esteem, my patience is not infinite. I am giving her two years to work this out, have meaningless relationships, sex, her quest as she would say for a man to give her butterflies(Make me barf), be on her own. I will do the DR process and move on without her. But I will not pine for a woman who was not the same one I married. All her pious ponficiating when she heard other people divorcing for vague reasons. Now she is the one so totally full of sh*t , she can never use that logic ever again. The foggy mind of a WAS is funny, they get so deluded and selfish, they care not about sin, family, commitment, integrity. Talking with my Christian friends they agree she will reap what she has sown, her life with sin and without Jesus will be one of unquenchable thirst for meaning and love, her fantasy will not come true. She will have a life of regret and sadness. God sees all, especially the unregenerate, selfish heart and does not bless them.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
