Quote: When we voice our anger ineffectively, however –without clarity, direction, and control- it may, in the end, be reassuring to others. We allow ourselves to be written off and we provide others with an excuse not to take us seriously and hear what we are saying. In fact, we even help others to stay calm. Have you ever watched another person get cooler, calmer, and more intellectual as you become more infuriated and “hysterical”? Here the nature of our fighting or angry accusations may actually allow the other person to get off the hook.
I can attest to that. I stopped letting my H "off the hook" after my last meltdown this past summer. I still get plenty angry, but I do my best to take it out of range of my H. I keeping finding that whenever I don't react to my H while he is in his 'pissant' suit, he tends to work harder at curbing his own undesirable behaviors.
There's also an additional benefit. When I do finally show some claws, he's more likely to pay attention and take me seriously.
So far, this seems to be working for me. So far....
