IS, she's in her little fog. Stay the course - eventually her world will come down crashing around her. Concentrate on yourself. Concentrate on your S. Like you aptly posted to ROMB. They are all over the place - consistently.
All, she will constantly have to justify her actions to herselt. It's not really smooth sailing. It's more like a fugitve on the run.
thanks=== u are right. It will eventually catch up with her. Like i always say, I wish S wasn't going along for the ride....but YOU JB know what I mean about that....
going to catch my, probably 2 hours sleep........ OH MY I dread tomorrow. I don't think i can look at her....Really, I don't think i can.
Keep reminding myself...fugitive...fog....
Why does it hurt? Why does it hurt????? Grief or betrayal? I guess an equal measure of both.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
IS, I think it hurts for all of the above. The whole nonchalence or the sheer self-justification can really tick you off when you really start thinking about it.
You do what it takes to work through some of the pain, to let go of some of the anger. I try to be at a point emotionally where I can maintain my bearing when I interact. I consider not letting them see me sweat a success. Smiling and cheery is a lot for tomorrow morning and probably won’t be perceived as genuine
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
no, JS it's not gonna happen...... We had plans to take S to see Puss in Boots tomorrow afternoon. I HATE for S's life to be disrupted by this BS but i don't think i can do that..... i cannot LOOK at her today......... I want to crawl in the proverbial hole and die...... blah
As u see, sleep was a futile effort. I kind of passed out from sheer exhaustion for a couple of hours. Tossed a couple more, and here i am.
JB u don't sleep enough either.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
IS, I feel your pain and we have something in common. In my relationship, W had a gf for a couple of years, but I not only allowed it, but encouraged it. Remember for many men it is a turn on anyway. I understand the fear of losing your W but it is somehow less threatening to me when it is a same sex partner. Bear in mind that unless you have extreme surgery, you cannot offer what the OW can. :-)
After a couple of years, it burnt itself out and the gf was dropped like a hot brick. Part of the reason was because she thought it was going to stick a pin in me! The only reason it bothered me was the way she so rudely cut her off one day and that was that. I have stayed in touch with her myself and been able to support her when her marriage went through a bad patch.
It maybe too far gone now for such an extreme 180, but I wonder if you could steel yourself to take an interest and maybe comment on this OW in a positive and "Actually, thinking about it, the thought of you doing that is quite exciting, tell me more about it" way that will astonish her?. I can understand how it would tear you apart, but just maybe the OW is forbidden fruit, because she knows you feel it is unacceptable and will be so traumatic for you.
Hugs IS so sorry for the pain she is causing you. The last couple of days have been rough for me also. W was even distant with my D yesterday she even noticed. They are selfish and on a journey of fantasies. They are sick that is what I tell myself. You must take care of you otherwise you can't care for S.Try and sleep another hr don't think about stuff. God will make this right just trust. And believe in him. I will pray for us and try to sleeP a bit more also.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I am still in bed but haven't been able to sleep any more. I put in a dvd of the big bang theory.
Does every new part of this horrific journey hurt as much????
Thanks RIck for checking in on me. I just don't know how to handle today - but I know it's going to be a hard one....
WOW. She couldn't even wait until she moved out. Unbelievable. I NEVER thought she would/could hurt me so much. I had come out of a bad relationship a couple of years before I met W and I purposely picked her b/c she was NICE. To be honest, I thought she was kind of 'bland'-- SAFE......ON PURPOSE I WANTED THAT. True full confession time....i wasn't impressed with her at first, I was just so happy someone nice REALLY REALLY liked me and treated me like a queen.
I thought I was in control. Go figure. But WHY does it have to affect my S????????
Tears tears tears.......
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
For me... what hurts more than the betrayal is the indifference. I can take anger, hatred, or other emotions directed at me. You only hate that which you love. Anger is simply a reflection of being hurt by someone you care for.
It's the indifference that gets me. The lack of any emotion towards me at times. Because only those things we don't care about are we indifference towards.
So grief is pretty strong and indifference. That we just no longer matter in their lives is what's so hard to process.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
when you really start thinking about it.