Learning from the pain....hard lessons

[In_Shock]

Here is the actual text: W: S is in bed and doing fine (she took him to her mom's to spend the night...i should have known....liar......)

Ok>>>> let me start over: W: S is in bed and doing fine. I'm not going to be home tonight.


So, my heart has been ripped out repeatedly. Now it's been ripped out, torn into a million little pieces and what next??? COULDN"T she have WAITED UNTIL WE WERE AT LEAST PHYSICALLY SEPARATED???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

ADVICE????????? HELP???????????? PRAYERS???????


PAIN............

[In_Shock]

Well....she asked me if I wanted her to call me...i said..."YES". That was 1 1/2 hrs ago. NO CALL. I am devastated. WHY???? I knew there was OW since end of August. WHY am I SO HURT?????

WHY AM I CRYING????? WHY DO I CARE??????????

IDEAS??????? Yeah, detach. I'm trying....... I'm trying.....

I do not want to lose my son, but this is ENOUGH disrespect for one lifetime! I dont' think she would do that to HIM. ....... Enough disrespect. Enough of being a victim. Forget that. Period.

[In_Shock]

blhhhhhhh wish it wasnt so LATE!!!! I"M FREAKING OUT!

[workinghardguy]

Don't know what to tell you IS, other than I'm sorry it's hurting so bad right now

Was there some trigger that brought this? If you can find that trigger maybe that will help you understand where it's welling from? Or is the pain more of a grief pain than betrayal?

I know the rabbit maze it creates in your head. The other night, for some reason, my brain fast forwarded to my W and I being apart. And then played scenes of her with another man. It drove me crazy until I shut it down. I told myself, whatever it is that part is just sex. I mean really... yes, our society has certainly tied sex up with lots of stuff, but in the end...

It's the hopes, dreams, and aspirations that mean the most in my book. If those aren't there... well, the ML thing is just a symptom of all that going away.

I don't think this is helpful... but work through it. And in the end there's nothing wrong with being hurt, crying, and mournful. This stuff HURTS and it's okay to feel that. Just don't let it run your life. You deserve better than that.

[In_Shock]

told her to F herself. sorry if that's not DB....F that.

[In_Shock]

No WHG no trigger. She was going to a "work" party then coming home to watch a vampire movie with me. S is at MIL's..... I am, well, appropriately, IN SHOCK....yet again......

She is just OBLIVIOUS>>>>> and has NO IDEA why this should hurt me or come as a surprise. I said....well....u know.... U could have been HONEST with me. You could have waited to MOVE OUT before this..........

BS BS BS. Thanks WHG for checking in..... believe me, it helps!!!

[JustStunned]

IS, I will not tell you to detach. You feel what you feel. It is the only way I know to get the emotions out and deal with them.

Having something we fear and dread thrust into our awareness releases the flood, and speculation generally makes it worse.

Breathe deeply and blow the tension out. Put up a stop sign. Begin to calm and center yourself. You can ride this out.

It helps me to hand this anxiety over to my personal deity. I know your skepticism well. One does not have to believe to ask for help.

((((IS))))

[jbnati]

IS, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. ((())) I wish I had the magic words to ease your pain.

It sounds to me like you know a lot of the answers of what you should do and what you shouldn't do. All of things take practice.

IMO, she is feeling immense guilt, and that's likely why she sent a message via text. It was disrespectful. And even more disrespectful by not calling.

Allow yourself to feel these emotions. I think many, if not all of us have been there.

You've been in prayers, and I will continue to pray for you. Hang in there! I'm in your corner.

[In_Shock]

thanks JS and JB. I guess i should try to sleep....but can I?? This is a totally new development...... I keep thinking ..... WOW how DARE she???? Well, she dares....LOL.

Yes, JB, I guess it's guilt. Couldn't wait to move out huh? I just cannot believe this. Or can i? I'm trying to stay centered, but it's hard.

[In_Shock]

sent her a text saying "hope your night is worth it all."

and I'm done.......

DONE....DONE. As Telemark said, i cannot play the fool anymore. If she goes off on her own path of destruction with this OW.....SO BE IT. MY goodness I deserve better than this.

I just WISH MY SON was not involved in her nonsense......

BROKEN BROKEN BROKEN and SOOOOOOOOOOO sad.,...... going to TRY to sleep.