W is angrier after my 180's - time + consistency

[2thepoint]

Thanks for the post, BM. I tend to agree with your points. I just need to handle with care so as not to drive her away permanently!

A couple of comments and some interesting interactions today...

First, as planned I went on my morning mountain bike ride with a few buddies and had a good time. Before I left though I slipped a couple of Benjamins into my W's wallet since she was out of cash. Since she was sleeping, I sent her a text to let her know what I had done so she wouldn't feel pressed to stop by the ATM before taking S9 to his soccer game. She replied "TY!" so nothing unusual there. I hope she thought my gesture was thoughtful. Who knows....

After my ride I took S13 to a music tryout that generally lasts several hours. I sent a text to W asking if she was planning to join us after the soccer game, (she usually does for this type of activity). She said maybe. A little while later she texts back if I want her pick up lunch. Heck yea, I say and tell her to surprise me, so no pressure. She arrives with lunch in hand and we hang for a few hours while S13 is wrapping up his tryout.

Later in the day I tell W that I was thinking of taking the boys to see Moneyball and if she would like to join us. She readily agrees (Hmmmm!). We go to the theater only to discover that the movie is playing on 1 screen only in an 18+ restricted part of the theater so there go those plans. W suggests we buy a movie and watch at home. I say, lets get some movie popcorn and take it with us. She liked that idea so we bought $14 worth of movie popcorn (the best kind!) and took it home.

Oh wait! I forgot a key part of this story.... big 180 for me! I load the boys into the car and start the motor and jump into the passenger side of the car. W comes out and as is her habit, walks over to the passenger side to get in and is surprised that I'm sitting in her seat. So she goes over the the drivers side and says "now that's a change!" I smile and say nothing. I hope she recognizes that I made a conscious decision to release control. Who knows....

So we get home and there is nothing worth watching on TV except the original version of Nightmare on Elm Street (one of my favorite horror flicks). S13 has been dying to see it but S9 isn't so sure and W doesn't like the idea (probably afraid S9 will have nightmares). The old me would have watched the movie anyway. Not tonight though! Did she notice? Who knows...

So there you have it. My day in a nutshell. Working real hard on the control behavior and am praying W notices.

Oh, one last thing. W said she was heading to bed and said "goodnight" for the first time in weeks!