Earlier this week, I came up with a basic theory that I termed "mental energy." Essentially, I figured that the more I thought about something, the more my life would revolve around that thing. At this point, my W and her A was still dominating my thoughts after she left me four months ago. I decided that I was done devoting my mental and emotional energies to her (as well as anything else negative in my life). It's slow-going, and it will take time, but I know that eventually she will become a faded memory in my mind. (If she wants to be more than that, it's up to her.)
Speaking of my W, I haven't had any contact with her since the "anniversary text" on the 18th. My guess is that she's realizing that my darkness is not just a temporary thing but something that's sticking. This lack of contact has also made me feel really good. The less I have to deal with her, the better.
I've been limbering up for NaNoWriMo by writing a thousand words every night this week. I'm writing another short story about a main character who is dealing with the fall-out of infidelity. This one is darker and more serious than my last story. It has been difficult to write at times, but such things are. I'm almost done with it. After that, I will be moving onto a different subject matter.
I am also in the middle of a week-long vacation from work. I have been visting with family, eating lots of good food, sleeping in like crazy, and going for some good walks. Tonight is my 4-year-old nephew's birthday party at the local bowling alley/arcade. Should be good fun!
While praying the other night, I thanked God for helping me learn from all of this. While it has been no fun, I've grown in so many ways. Most of all, I've reconciled with the fact that life isn't fair and that, sometimes, bad things just happen. I always used to have a naive, childish belief that bad things just happened to other people. Or if they happened to me, it would be far off in the future. Now I know that they can occur at any time, and now I've made peace with that knowledge. It will make me a stronger, more accepting person in the end.
