W is angrier after my 180's - time + consistency

[2thepoint]

Do you remember who that man she fell in love with looks like?

That's a good question. After so many years it is hard to remember what I was like. Certainly more optimistic, more loveable and kind hearted. Less stressed... Less down in the dumps? I think my W would say I was less judgmental and certainly less controlling. We loved doing things together, joke about the silly things in life (hey want to go get smelly at the local Mexican restaurant?). Good times!

Then you get hijacked by life and all the things that weren't present in your day to day interactions start to surface and things get complicated. You reflect on past decisions. Were they the right ones? Did you or your spouse sacrifice their hopes and desires, (I know my W certainly did as she followed me 1/2 way across the country, twice! in pursuit of MY American Dream).

So as I think about the man I was vs the man I am, it becomes evident that some things need adjustment. Deep down I think I'm still the kind hearted, fun loving man I was 20 years ago. But like a boat that has been sitting idle in the water, I've got some barnicles that need to be removed in order to make me seaworthy again.

So the selfish and controlling person that I've become has to be replaced by a more loving and caring husband. I need to ask more questions instead of making demands. I need to be more thoughtful and less judgmental.

If my W ever decides to R I will have made all these changes and more. This is my focus, this is my goal. This is my life and I intend to win it back!