OT, exBF doesn't have a L so a laughing L isn't entirely threatening to me. I might say "Maybe we can get a night nurse that week to help with the sleeping issue." I actually don't think that's entirely unreasonable *in our context* - not in anyone else's reality, but ours - There you go again Lila. I just finished HOURS of posting to you about what you can "expect" from him and the same day or within 24 hours of "getting it", you don't get it. You jack up your expectations again and this SO SLOWS YOU DOWN and sets you back...and it's stuff he isn't even aware of yet so he's getting set up for failure.
Stop expecting more than the bare minimum...no matter how "right" you think it is, no matter how "reasonable" YOU think it is...it's not. B/c he's not complying...he's NOT available the way you want him to be...by now that should be clear. Right or wrong, it's how it is.
OT is right about the trip, he's allowed and how does that effect you in a way that won't be happening soon anyhow? Are you saying he can never leave the area b/c you might need him? That's not realistic.
As for the sleep thing, all I said and stand by is, IT WILL BE HARD ON YOU....
but I had a child like that and it DID get better when I sucked it up. Frankly, I had to let my h do it and follow his lead. I am not sure if I could have put my ego aside to do that but I was pregnant and HAD TO..and it worked...wish I'd let him manage that for us both, a lot sooner.
He doesn't want her to cry it out. Neither of us have wanted that.
She's our daughter (as everyone here keeps reminding me OUR not MY) and so I think it's fair to assume when she's having issues that it's both our responsibility to deal ...
Again with the expectations. THIS frustrates me.. You are not listening even to yourself.
It does NOT matter what YOU think is fair, does not matter what HE SAYS he thinks is fair.... You are on your own. If he gives you OR the d more than the court orders, you say "Thanks!" And when he takes her out and buys her a toy, in HIS mind, he'll be generous if he does not deduct it from his CS payment, which I've seen done a millioin times until a judge says "No"....
Lila, have you processed the fact that my h left for 2 YEARS and I was on my own? I mean, you have to accept that. I could not call him in Alaska to tell him about a bill we got, or that the wildfires were coming and we had to evacuate or that the pool broke down, and those things AND MORE, all happened.
You are wasting too much time on hopes/expecations and blame instead of sucking it up and getting on with your life. You need to do that.
As for a response about his vacation, that's more of the same old "Mean Lila" is "mad when HIS life is going well"....the exact thing you accuse him of.
Detach, move on, GAL, be with your d and enjoy the privileges that go with that. That's called the silver lining and being positive.
It's your only healthy option. I recall wanting things to be FAIR but they are not fair.
It's why I tell people who get stuck on that, (which you are, I'm afraid), "Want fair? Tell Africa"....b/c life isn't fair.
So you got a bad hand of cards, play 'em as well as you can. That means enjoy the fact you have a healthy d and you'll get SOME money from him...and some verbal attempts at kindness, which you need to positively reinforce. I'd applaud loudly for the 1% of positives he does, (yes it is hard. It;s Mother Teresa hard but it is also effective)
remember why we are here. NOT "righting the wrongs of the r" but doing what helps the R, and Not doing what does NOT help it. THAT IS DBing.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
