I think I am going to initiate contact through my lawyer. I can't move on or let go, and I want this pain and worry to be over. I am going to ask my L to send a letter to her lawyers starting proceedings. I've had enough and don't need or deserve this. If this is what she wants, then let's go with it. I'm done, and actually feeling more in control by deciding this action.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Things have gone from bad to worse now. My W sent me a list of all our assets today and her initials next to things and mine next to others. It was so unrealistic. I rang her, she wouldn't answer. I rang and texted again. No response. So emailed. And then spent the day in a fight over email. It got so nasty and bad.......ended with me saying if she ever wants to receive her things from the house then she needs to show me some respect and talk to me in person and like an adult. Also to return her engagement ring and everything else of value to me. God, it was nasty. She responded with it doesn't have to be this way and we are destroying every good memory of our time together. I told her they already were and I wished I never met her and every memory we have is ruined now. Came home in a state of anger, sadness and panic. Tore up our wedding album and all our photos. I am an idiot. I deserve this and I there is no stopping this now. I will get a divorce and we will never talk or see each other again.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Slow yourself down a bit....... Anger is okay man, I can't tell you how many times I literally did not care if I ended up in jail, not towards my WW, but towards her wayward step dad & POSOM. But I slowed myself down......find a way.
Your upset and you have a right to be upset, a lot has gone on. But don't take it out on her. I know at this stage you might feel it doesn't matter, it does. It's important that you leave this situation with your head held high. Not so much for your W, but for your benefit.
My advice.....let this die down for a couple of days.......and apologize. Doesn't have to be 10 pages long, just a few sentences. Own it and then move on. Also this process......not everyone is going to be okay with everything, there are going to be bumps, you both will feel at times you are getting the short end of the stick.
But in the end...........none of that stuff truly defines you.
10 years from now.......it won't matter who got what.....most of it will be ancient history and having a knock down fight over who gets the soft set of towels........not worth it and yes I am being facetious.
Let the lawyers do the dirty work from here on out, they will be able to buffer this type of stuff.
Me:29 WW:26 No kids 2 dogs T: 11 M: 2 D-day 1: 08/2010 D-day 2: 05/2011 1 POSOM Separated: 06/2011 WW ILY commits to M 9/18 Files D 9/19 ILY Still 9/21 WW are fun
Things got worse today. My W called about yesterday and we fought again, and it was nasty, real nasty. She was saying how come I can't get over this and move on, it's been so long now that I must have serious issues. I suppose I do, but I still don't know how anyone can move on and put 8yrs and a marriage behind them so easily. I told her about the wedding album.....she said ive gone crazy. In a way i feel like I have. I also destroyed all photos of us over the years....i know its so wrong, but i am so angry and upset. Anyway, it's not like either of us are going to look at the album and reminisce one day. I've completely lost it.....i spent most of the day crying about her, thinking that I will never find someone like her again, that I've lost my chance to have a family, that who would want me now after this.....all the good girls are taken and the ones that aren't are not going to want a failure like me.
Ive had some very dark thoughts these last two days, about myself and just giving up on life all together, and who would care. Sometimes I just want to end it all....I can't imagine I would, but I've felt close to lately.
I wrote her a card today and dropped it in her mailbox, apologizing form my behavior and reaction to her asset splitting. I tried to ring her a number of times but she won't answer. She said she wants to cease all communication now.
I'm finding it so hard to GAL, I'm just so lonely. All my friends are wrapped up in their lives with their families and I am here with nothing and no one. If this is what life is like from now on and my future, then i want out. This pain is not worth putting up with for much longer.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Ive had some very dark thoughts these last two days, about myself and just giving up on life all together, and who would care. Sometimes I just want to end it all....I can't imagine I would, but I've felt close to lately.
If this is what life is like from now on and my future, then i want out. This pain is not worth putting up with for much longer.
Cam
These two statements worry me.......if these really are your thoughts this isn't to be taken lightly you need to speak with someone pronto k, man
Suicide is no way out if that is what you are implying
You are going to be okay, I promise, keep focus, the people here......we've all been at the lowest of lows
Stay strong
Me:29 WW:26 No kids 2 dogs T: 11 M: 2 D-day 1: 08/2010 D-day 2: 05/2011 1 POSOM Separated: 06/2011 WW ILY commits to M 9/18 Files D 9/19 ILY Still 9/21 WW are fun
I am new here and still being moderated, so I don't know how long it will take for this to show up.
I got myself into a real state over my breakup, culminating in actually sitting in my car in the garage and thinking of running the engine. That was on the day W moved into her own place. On the following Wednesday, I ended up in the Doctor's surgery having gone to pieces totally and utterly. Doctor put me on happy pills and I went home to lick my wounds. I had all the same thoughts you have, nobody will want me, I have blown it etc, but 10 days later, I decided that NOBODY was going to have this power over me anymore and resolved to do something about it. This was when I started reading and re-reading the psychology books and working out my strategy. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I felt that letting her see "what SHE had done to me" would make all the difference, but she walked away even faster.
What she wants is to see the strong person that she took up with, not another pathetic dependant. So I started forcing myself to smile and in a few days, I started to feel a bit brighter inside. I also made a BIG change to my diet. That seemed to work for me in under a week. Now I always have a Meusli breakfast and eat bananas and grapes through the day. Then a cooked meal in the evening. I cut out coffee during the day, but will go cold turkey when it is used up. I got off the happy pills after 10 days, they are a crutch and do not address the underlying issue, which is what is in my head.
So today, 8 weeks after she left, we are having pleasant interactions, she has been to see me a few times and we are affectionate. I have decided that whatever happens, I am her rock, if she comes back or not.
I can't tell you to do any of this, but the damage you have done so far will take longer to sort out. You now have to respect her wishes of no contact and get your head straight, even if like me, you feel that you are dying inside. Give her a few weeks of not hearing from you and see what happens. I doubt you have blown it totally, but you need to see how wounded SHE is too and give her the chance to see you have grown a backbone.
They really are my thoughts Finah..I hate myself and blame myself for everything that's gone wrong and the situation we are in. I can't seem to forgive myself and move on. I can't believe I miss her so much, if I had known this pain, I would have been the best most loving husband I could have been, instead of the jerk I was.
I don't think I would do anything drastic, but it does cross my mind. I just want this to end, but i know this wound will never heal. It's that old saying, you don't know what you had until you lose it. And i lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I hate myself and blame myself for everything that's gone wrong and the situation we are in.
It's not all your fault, you know that, it takes two. You can be for damn sure that there are things on her end that she wishes she would have done differently......just b/c she doesn't express them, validate them for you, doesn't mean she isn't thinking about it.
Originally Posted By: cam
I can't seem to forgive myself and move on.
Can I ask you whats the longest time you went w/o talking to your W?
These interactions w/ her......are not helping you.
Originally Posted By: cam
I can't believe I miss her so much, if I had known this pain, I would have been the best most loving husband I could have been, instead of the jerk I was.
No one is perfect, we all have flaws, guys are notorious for being insensitive aholes.......and you being the most loving husband...wouldn't have mattered if she didn't understand her part as well.
Originally Posted By: cam
I don't think I would do anything drastic, but it does cross my mind. I just want this to end, but i know this wound will never heal. It's that old saying, you don't know what you had until you lose it. And i lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
You loved before.....you can love again........time will heal you.......but for now you need to get off the roller coaster, that is why you feel the way you do.
No contact w/ the W for a bit okay.......I would say at the minimum 4 weeks.....I assure you.....if your able to do that.......you will think much clearer.
You will start to see stuff differently
Hang in there.
Me:29 WW:26 No kids 2 dogs T: 11 M: 2 D-day 1: 08/2010 D-day 2: 05/2011 1 POSOM Separated: 06/2011 WW ILY commits to M 9/18 Files D 9/19 ILY Still 9/21 WW are fun
