Things got worse today. My W called about yesterday and we fought again, and it was nasty, real nasty. She was saying how come I can't get over this and move on, it's been so long now that I must have serious issues. I suppose I do, but I still don't know how anyone can move on and put 8yrs and a marriage behind them so easily. I told her about the wedding album.....she said ive gone crazy. In a way i feel like I have. I also destroyed all photos of us over the years....i know its so wrong, but i am so angry and upset. Anyway, it's not like either of us are going to look at the album and reminisce one day. I've completely lost it.....i spent most of the day crying about her, thinking that I will never find someone like her again, that I've lost my chance to have a family, that who would want me now after this.....all the good girls are taken and the ones that aren't are not going to want a failure like me.
Ive had some very dark thoughts these last two days, about myself and just giving up on life all together, and who would care. Sometimes I just want to end it all....I can't imagine I would, but I've felt close to lately.
I wrote her a card today and dropped it in her mailbox, apologizing form my behavior and reaction to her asset splitting. I tried to ring her a number of times but she won't answer. She said she wants to cease all communication now.
I'm finding it so hard to GAL, I'm just so lonely. All my friends are wrapped up in their lives with their families and I am here with nothing and no one. If this is what life is like from now on and my future, then i want out. This pain is not worth putting up with for much longer.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011