25 - hoping for your response to the above. Loving your last response, and still needing to read through your others.
So do you think my instincts are correct to move back in with my parents (not the best Rs going on there, and my mother isn't the most open to it, but I honestly don't know what else to do right now).
I keep getting confused like WHO IS HE TO MAKE ME HAVE TO LEAVE MY HOME! And yet, unless I land a majorly huge project in the next month, I can't afford this home.
So he's not making me do anything. But part of me is all "I can do this!" And the other part of me is all "stop. You need rest. You need to focus on stability and get out of crises mode."
And then the big big big fear is this:
I couldn't get my needs met in this R. And now that I'm no longer in this R, what if he forever tried to control my life by being difficult, making it hard for me to travel with D, taking me to court over holidays and overnights. Bleh. I feel like as long as I know him, I'm imprison or at his mercy (big time fear) I can't get over that right now and I'm crying as I write it. Crap. I don't want my D to pick up on the fact that I'm scared of him controlling my life. I love her and I'm so grateful for her, but I don't want a life of connection to this person and his toxicity. Or ... behavior. IDK. If I want so much to be away from him, how can I imagine letting my D be around him? (I'm not saying I won't, it just irks me badly.)
