Well, it pushed me over the edge. I don't want a night nurse. I don't want him to pay for it. I don't want to try to make him be accounatable to us. I just need to get on my own two feet - without him - move on. I don't want to be contentious. I want to travel with my daughter one day and not have major legal restrictions on me b/c things came to that. I want us to be free people and free parents and parent how we want - he can see here when he wants. He knows he's open to whatever level of custody he wants. But sleeping away from home right now, given her state, isn't in her best interest, so I'll deal with that. He'll want her around when she's older and primed for that.
Anyway, I talked to my mom again and while it's not an ideal situation, I'm likely going to move in with her by December. She's helping me with rent from last month and this month, and then the money exBF gives me is going into my overdraft protection that went down to 7K over all this, and so I'm going to pay that back. Have a positive balance in my checking account by the end of the year, and start building back my business, working with my daughter on her sleeping (we have to move anyway, and getting her used to being here and then moving feels like it's a waste of time. I'll have less work pressure at my parents, and can do whatever sleep training is required there, where we'll likely be for a year. I'll put stuff in storage - there's enough room for a couch, TV, play area, and beds and no room for my office (basically a desk/chair/laptop) but I can work in my mom's closet or something (it's upstairs in that area, and maybe I can just freaking work there! Ugh!
My sitter already said she'd travel there. (It's 30 miles from here) and exBF can have his same schedule - although Monday nights might not make sense so I would have to rearrange some things but he can come down and take her out and bring her home - since we'll be about 90 mins away from him ...
Maybe this will be a wake up call for him. We're not going to sit around- he has a lot on offer here - unlimited time with D, us nearby, usually dinner is around when he wants. I pay all the bills now.
And 25 - I have four people looking for apartments for me and am SUPER diligent, and there is simply nothing I can afford now- which would be to the tune of $800 a month incl util (right now I pay $1500 and that does not incl util) the roommate stuff isn't happening either (I have like ten ads up and check every day for anything knew and wrote to half a dozen people) - I've been looking for two months, and I'll have a month more in november but ... I don't know what else to do. My mom's been looking too, and she agreed - I can't go from o to $60k overnight right now. And I have debt. This will get me out of debt, financially stable, a place to have a transition to decide where to go next and where to rebuild my life and the way my mom and I talked tonigth - while it was a little tense, we had a breakthrough where we are going to be open and honest about our feelngs (she admits she shuts down a lot to cope) ... and I think that's all a positive thing. Ideal? No. But not much is right now.
Ugh!