Here's the latest- H calls today and I didn't answer. My stomach was already in knots today, and I was really anxious about why he would be calling. He hasn't been friendly lately. So then he calls back a couple of minutes later, leaves a message saying he wanted to talk to D. I decided A. it would be a little less predictable for me to call him back later and B. I was in the car at the time and he really couldn't talk to D anyway (we've tried this in the car, he just can't hear her well).
TBH, I just didn't want to talk to him right then, either.
So 30 minutes go by, and I'm in a drive through getting lunch. He calls back, so I texted him I would call him in a few. When I call back, he asks what's going on. I said, nothing, I was on my way to town. He said I was being secretive, and when I asked why he said it was a gut feeling, and why couldn't I answer him.
I told him I didn't hear my phone (I do generally leave it on vibrate), and that I called him back when I could. I will spare some of the details, but he said in a nutshell that nothing has changed, I'm the same as I've ever been, but that it really doesn't matter anyway. Made some snarky comments about me texting all the time. He also says I don't answer questions directly- this isn't true in this case, I just don't feel the need to offer specific details of exactly what I'm doing unless he asks.
He also feels like I should be at his beck and call when I have D. This is nuts, since one of the things we discussed in MC was him not answering MY calls when he has her! He also says I have to tell him where I am when I have her.
For some history on this, my not answering the phone is one of his problems with me. I am just not a phone person. I always call back, but I don't feel that I am obligated to answer the phone simply because it rings. He thinks that is rude.
Intellectually, I know he has to get over my not answering the phone on the spot, especially if we are no longer together. He can not dictate I tell him every detail of my life if we are no longer a couple. I know he needs to miss me, and this is part of that.
What I don't know is what to say to him when these things happen. What is the DB thing here? If I push too much, its going to start a battle. Today all I could say was, 'sorry you feel that way' and 'you really haven't been around me enough to understand the changes I have made in my life'.
Lately he has really been harping on the 'changes' I have made, and I am not bringing them up AT ALL. It is ALL him. But, all of the comments he has made are 'nothing's changed' or 'things are just like they always were', etc.
Sorry for the length of this post. I did talk to a couple of DB friends and I do realize some of this is a control issue, and I will not call him back right away to demonstrate another 180 (in the past I would have called back right away and hung on like a rabid dog- not pretty but true).
