alcoholic H decided he wants D

[mishka422]

We live about 10 min. Apart. I will use that suggestion and take S to him when i have something to do..great idea. I have a history of not thinking of myself and making things easy for him. I need to stop that!!

You could be my twin. I have always had the same problem but through this ordeal I've gotten better about it. It takes a lot of time and practice to stop 'taking care' of them. You're not taking care of him you know. You're enabling him. He hasn't had to stand on his own two feet. Make him.

I told my XH I wouldn't divorce me for him. He actually started the process and then withdrew the petition when he decided to come home the second time. When he left the third time he never started it again but had no intentions of coming back. I again told him I wouldn't do this for him but then went back on that after an especially ugly incident that I felt forced my hand. The difference was that I filed for myself, not to aid him.

If this is not what you want, the don't enable him in any way. That does not mean to be a doormat regarding care of your child.

What I did to make sure that I had time to myself and he didn't see his son at only his convenience (or he wouldn't have seen him at all). I made a calendar and gave it to him. I didn't ask for his input beforehand because I had tried that once before and his answer was "Let's just play it by ear." No way, Jose! Make a schedule with specific times. Everything is flexible of course, but not without cause. Of course, that works both ways so be willing to live with what you schedule.

If he balks at it, ask him what would work for him but you have the control of this by laying the groundwork for the visitation.

Make sure then that you follow through on your end with making plans for yourself on your off weekends. Be proactive in your own life! Take up a hobby, find meet up groups in your area with similar interests, be happy to be alone. It's hard, but not impossible.

I understand limbo far too well. Just don't let fear of limbo be your catalyst for doing something that you can't undo easily.