luvhurts,

Very painful, I went through the same accounting and shared some of it with W. My W did not have her father's house to move into, so she would bear the downside of all this too. That definitely wasn't what convinced her to work with me on saving the M, but it didn't hurt.

My sister's D was also in Illinois and included CS -- she told me that CS was mandatory in that state using a standard calculation. I believe one of the inputs is your income, so you may want to wait on a second job until after D is finalized, your L will obviously advise you.

All this being said, you have HUGE incentive to work on yourself here. Your posts indicate that you have a strong need to be right, and your W feels you don't listen to her or accept her position on things. When challenged on that you've said you are not wired that way, it's hard for you, etc.

Here's great motivation to deal with your pride and work on you! You will need things to feel good about going through this process, and one of the best things will be realizing that you've become a better person as a result of it.

Between now and the time this is finalized, if you can show a new "you" to your W, be a good partner and a good listener, and not let your anger and resentment surface, you will reap benefits. You may not be able to save the M, but you'll be a much better parenting partner for your kids, and that may be the most important thing to work on right now.

Be strong, you will come through this!

Accuray


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015