W is angrier after my 180's - time + consistency

[workinghardguy]

She has not moved towards D yet and I am not willing to push her in that direction by antagonizing her.

Ah but she has... mentally if nothing else. In her mind she's divorced from you or at least separated.

BUT, given all other factors, if this is so terrible for her and she just can't do it, why doesn't she leave?

IMO, staying there is not controlling her. You're not telling her to leave, not threatening her to leave, or anything like that. You're controlling you. You're saying that you're not willing to walk out on your kids. She is welcome to do that.

If living in that situation is bad for her... well then she better put her big girl pants on and do something about that, right?

Otherwise she'd best figure out another solution.

Understand though this may trigger the D. In my state at least once that gets filed the parties have to physically separate. Who then goes is a big question.

Myself... I would hold on to the last possible moment. Make sure your kids know you stood your ground until you no longer could. It was certainly through no force of your own that you left.

And with that said, leaving is a bad term. It's not like you're heading to a foreign country, there are ways to make it work and be close. But the fact remains that you will have been the one to go out the door.