W is angrier after my 180's - time + consistency

[2thepoint]

My W's emotions have taken control of her and I feel very badly for her. My presence is a constant reminder of her pain and (guilt I think for pushing us in this direction and for the EA).

We are living in separate parts of the house at the moment and she keeps herself sequestered to the guest bedroom when I'm around. I do my best to keep my distance, (i.e. move to the MB when she is not in her room). She has said that it is unhealthy for us to live this way and I agree. So I say, lets not live this way and she responds that we are living a lie. It is weird that we are in separate rooms, pretending to be this happy family for our kids and people in the community. She is not interested in MC, has not provided an acceptable answer as to why and is really only looking for space.

Not moving out is not necessarily controlling per se, but my W has said that for years I have pressured her to do things my way and she has suppressed her anger and resentment for so long and is no longer willing to do it which is why she wants us to separate.

Yes, we are civil towards each other. In fact we've not had a terse word for each other since W dropped the bomb.

The house and all the assets are in both our names. And, yes I'm concerned for the children. But here's the thing. W has said very directly that "she is done" and wants me to move out.

I want to save our M and am doing everything I can to make that happen. She has not moved towards D yet and I am not willing to push her in that direction by antagonizing her. If by my moving out (and I hate the thought of it to my very core!) gives my W the space she needs while I can continue to work on me, then I feel like I have a better shot at making this work.

I mean, if only one party is currently in the mindset of working on the M and the other wants to move in the opposite direction, how does staying together help that?

We talk about detachment on this site as a way to bring couples back together and for me the best way to detach is to move out and really detach!

Of course the kids will be my primary focus and my W and I both agree that if the time comes for D we want as amicable R as possible so the kids are as minimally impacted as possible.

So now I'm a little conflicted...