Back home - but for how long?

[NYCPeter]

GK - you are right, just when she says things like that you get a little hope. My D6 mentioned a day trip we took to Saratoga racing this AM, my W said "Well we can go again next year". Comments like this make me think she

I've re-read my wife's FB message like a million times - trying to read something into it (yes I did a screenshot). I left out the more mundane part of the convo which related to her working a double shift - I think leaving her uniform behind meant at the restaurant not at C-Dawg's place, she mentioned she needed to wash it for the next shift.

W - "It's hard trying to be more than friends with a crazy person"

WF - "You mean C-Dawg"

W- "I have so much going on in my head. Yes C-Dawg. The one and only. I wish I could move on but something always brings me back".

WF - "Oh I know that song. You will".

W - "I know, I'm better than all this craziness".

The above snippet indicates something is going on with whoever C-Dawg is and something has happened in the past. She's trying to move past it but can't. Does this mean there was an A in the past - what happened with this guy on the Sat night? These are questions that I can't let go of. At the very least it suggests some sort of EA. She has sworn in the past that there is no-one else and in my mind I think she believes it as long as there was no sex involved.

Re detaching - I think about the possibility of this M ending - this doesn't allow me to detach as I would like. I agree with Harrier it should be easier if evidence of an A exists.

Working from home today (woke up late after working on a software release last night) - have kept to myself after the girls left for school. There was one moment where my W got "snappy" with D6 this morning in the past I would have said something, I walked out of the room and took a few deep breaths.

Back to Accurays questions - I think this is all dependent on any A being over, I could not tolerate a double-life where she was sneaking off with someone while I was at home with the girls. I recognize my behavior in the past may have caused her to seek attention elsewhere, but if you are working on it day by day (as she has claimed) - then OM needs to be out of the picture. There are bo guarantees another A won't happen - but I'd be the guy no-one would want to cheat on.

"If there was a PA, what do you want now?"

I want to understand what happened and why and then bring closure to it - I have managed to forgive and forget issues in the past, I can do so again - but it needs to be over.

"If there was an EA, what do you want now?"

Same answer as above.

"If this was just a misunderstanding and C-dawg is just a friend, what do you want now?"

I want to shoot myself for snooping and finding this - as well as having common friends we have always had our own set of friends. I wouldn't want anything.

"If the answers to the questions above are different, do you know why?"

Yes - because I want to save my M more than my pride, in the past I would have said - "no-one can treat me like that". I recognize I am part of the problem and I may have given her reason to act the way she did Is it excusable - in a way yes, is it the way I would have behaved - No. But we're all wired differently.

"If the answers to the questions above are different, do you really feel that way, or was it a gut reaction or a previously held belief?"

I think previously I would have reacted immediately and "short-term" without looking at the bigger picture and consequences.

"When you dig deep, what do you really want? Do you know yet?"

I want to live my life in a loving way with a settled family and to be in a loving monogomous relationship. Six months ago I would not have given two thoughts about my W's actions, now I think about everything she does and I hate the fact I am so fixated. My parents were divorced when I was very young and I grew up with my dad and grandmother. I barely saw my mother growing up and still have a strained R with her. I do not want that for me or my children. I realize it's not my decision alone and I accept that, but doesn't mean I'll not be the best father and husband I can be to try to prevent it from happening.

"What do I want right now?"

A little peace, stability and to enjoy spending time with my children and W. I'll always be there for my girls - I want to be there 100% of the time though, not part-time.

If someone can provide some ideas on how to approach "lovingly detaching" while living under the same roof I'd love to hear them.