It's time to let go part II

[Rick1963]

You are right Val I'm anxious about the court and the future. But have not control so lets GAL, right?

Journaling

People's 1st impression of me is that I'm strong and confident. Many have said that to me. But truth be told I am the opposite of that. I'm shy and always make sure that I do not dress or put myself in sitch that draws attention to me. W has complianed that I do not value myself and she is right. I am the opposite of a narcsissit. I guess that makes me meek. My department competed in a state wide performance improvement project this year. My project came in 11th out 57 state wide and 3rd within my agency. I wipped this thing in 3 days. Made sure it would not come in 1st or 2nd place. Why? Because I would have to present the project in front of hundreds including a previous governor. So I made sure it wasn't that good. I do not like public speaking I freeze like a deer in a head light. My boss does not like public speaking either. The VP of my agency asked that we present the project last week in front of hundres of staff. Guess how I felt? so I aksed the boss to do it. She agreed but she asked that I stand by her for support. I said nothing while she spoke pretty akward moments. We actually had to present the project on two different days. In addition, I never asked a woman out. Not even my W. Don't know why I thought of this today. Pathetic huh?

I don't know how this behavior of mine became clear to me. I guess a 180 would be to be more outgoing, dress in clothes that will attrack attention, flirt more, speak more.

So I did that today. Wore a leather jacket that W bought many years ago. I never wear it because people give me compliments and I don't do well with compliments. I walked into work and guess what? People complimented me but I did not shy away and said thanks. Maybe wil buy new clothing this weekend and see how it feels.