Trying to make it to the bye week

[25yearsmlc]

mts

I'm in a reflective mood which I hope is going to be helpful...

Sorry for being out of touch, but along some travels, I also went back east to my high school reunion & while there, a close friend DIED the day of it.

Oddly this was right after he called to tell me (literally hours before) that he did not want to go b/c he "felt so bad about his life."

ANYHOW I have done a lot of thinking and processing the past week about what I saw about marriages and life at my reunion.

I'm older than you but I am in touch with most of my HS friends and followed their stories. There are a few who seem "lost" right now and don't know why their lives are not better. They are searching for "the secret"...

Several are flat out miserable. Of those, there are 3 groups. First there are the unlucky ones who got sick for no apparent reason and are dealing w/terrible conditions. God bless them.

The two other groups of miserable or dissatisfied people seem to fall into either

the drug addicts/drunks (a LOT of the big problem people are simply addicts, no question)

OR
they make chronically poor choices. Seeing someone marry a badly matched person is such a drag and you wince b/c you KNOW they'll regret it...OR

seeing a spouse leave a well matched person is also HIGH on the list of big fat mistakes. I think your w will fall into that category.

The saddest part perhaps is when they DO admit their mistake but it's too late to do anything about it.

How do they live with that regret?

But you'll have to get out of her way for her to see any of that.

It will take a long time MTS, longer than you fear. Yes, yearS...at least one.

I'd work on your stuff and try to get through those 90 day increments of going dark and detaching as best I could if I were you.

so when the day comes that she looks your way, your changes will be complete and you'll be the man you wanted to become.

In time, as she earns more money the money she pays you now will lessen in importance.

So will OMs...(who?) They are so NOT the cause...they are symptoms.

Be the man you want to become. Leave the rest up to God.

I do NOT advise any contact with your w. She's made it clear she does not want that and it has not helped you to attend to her.

Besides, she needs to be left alone now to her task. Let her go discover what she must.

You're divorced so pursuing her now cannot yield you good results. She could get a restraining order.

although I can see her calling you in some months, I think it'll be a good year before it really happens.

Be different in her eyes, be better, whatever that looks like.

And avoid the huge mistakes your friends warn you about.

((( )))