Keeping hope alive - Ctflor Part ll

[25yearsmlc]

After thinking this over today, I think what's bothering me is his fast turn around from this. It makes me nervous, and on my guard.

sure you are. But piecing is where you solidify and explore what it means to be in a committed m. You'll feel safer in time, with good piecing efforts.

MC that dredges up how you two grew up or ALL the issues you must work on or stares at the past and the wrongs and assigns blame does NOT Help most marriages...OMG we went to 3 different ones who ALL said h was being selfish...

changed nothing and though at first i felt validated, I also felt powerless. What do you DO when a c tells you that your h is being selfish or acting like a single man with no family?

Far better to figure out what I had to work on IN ME...then I was not powerless. Hence the focus of DBing...it' solution based therapy with short term results....

IF you or he need further c (& imo, of course you both do), don't make it about the M.

Make it his depression and issues for HIM and you go elsewhere and make it about your nervous feelings and MS issues and whatever else...make sense?

Both do YOUR Work but don't make it about seeing the past identically. HUGE common mistake in my opinion is trying to agree on what happened and why.

It is NOT possible. I still don't know what happened to my h. But he's back now.

Go from this day forward...but keep doing your own personal work.


I'm trying SO hard to be positive, and happy about this, but I am worried that this is just a brief emergence out of the tunnel. I hope I'm wrong... but there's still too many issues to be worked through.

Your Negativity can ruin this. Stay positive. Why revert to negative stinking thinking when the postives were helping? Be forward focussed. The move is a good thing for YOU no matter what happens.

IOW you are NOT "risking" much by being happy, are you?

Why do you have to work on "so many issues" NOW? Rest easy a bit. You are moving to a new place far from where you are now. He's excited about that and so are you. What MUST be worked through right now?
Why now? IF he were still unsure, would you insist on working on all these issues?

If they could wait when he was unsure, why can't they wait now?

Don't try to analyze all the why's of what happened b/c

you know enough of what and who YOU were, & what needed repairs, to keep doing the work on YOU.

I believe him when he says he doesn't know why he went crazy. So stop trying to understand the incomprehensible.

Since it does not hurt you to move to the new city but only helps the situation no matter what the future holds, then what's the fear? The other shoe drops?

Well so what if it does? Aren't you still better off w/a positive attitude now? How does your being nervous or insecure help you?

"BE OKAY" and be here now. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow w/your fears and needs. (Fears look a lot like needs to the WAS...be STRONG...)



Is it possible that he just... woke up and snapped out of it? I don't know. He came home tonight from being gone with a card that talked about being together many more years and weathering storms. Inside he wrote, "I'm so grateful for you".

IDK how MLCs work but this card....This is a GOOD THING!^^^ Embrace it.

I think he has so much more to work through... inside of himself. Is it possible my db-ing has been helping not just me, but him too?

of course it's possible DBing helped you both! Goodness yes.