Yuck. I dislike the minimal interactions I have to have with my very agreeable ex over our college age children - so I can just imagine the pit in your stomach
From a practical standpoint - it sounds like your only options are:
1) Take unemployment and look for a new job locally. As crappy as the economy is, that seems pretty dicey. Do you have special skills? Sounds like you've already determined the job market in your area doesn't offer much for you? Can you downsize your living expenses in any way?
2) Take a new job with your current company and move to another state. That completely [censored] for your kids - but maybe not as much as having your dad spiral down into chronic unemployment. Is there ANY remote chance the ex could move too? Or if you have to take the move, could you envision it as a temporary, one-year exodus until you can find a new job back home?
3) Take the unemployment and move in with family until you can get a new job?
I understand your hesitation to tell the ex, but you might as well get it over with. If your job has been providing the kids' health benefits, you'll probably want to work out something to COBRA your health insurance, or if she has benefit options at her work, to change them over.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I'd advise going ahead and applying for jobs within the company - just because you apply, doesn't mean you HAVE to accept a position if one is offered. Just apply now, and worry about whether you would accept it later. Meanwhile beat the streets for jobs in your area.
