@ Rick. Yes I do feel more confident and more attractive. I think that is because I don't have w putting me down anymore. No more worrying about if I look too femme, too butch, too skinny, too fat. I can just be me and I'm finding out.. that I like me!
Too funny about your experience. The film business is fun. Doing 12-14 hr days sometimes makes it difficult to have any kind of life.
@ Aeo Good to hear from you. I know you are going through some sh!t of your own so I appreciate you stopping by! It won't define me but I will allow the reasons that I am being appreciated will. I have dedicated myself to being a more positive person. The hard work ethic has always been there.. but the soft touch is a new addition.
No i won't pursue another r. I know I'm not ready.. my hormones can just chill out.
I don't feel the need to wear the ring as much today. Yes I do feel better seeing myself still honoring my marriage. It's who I want to be. Regardless of how this is going down... I still love my w and want to respect her and be thankful for the way she contributed to my life.. no matter the outcome.
I just feel I will be tested throughout this process. I have been seeing L fees ranging up to 10K.. I don't have that kind of money... so it's up to me to think clearly, w/o emotion and ride the wave of what is fair for both. I'm not sure I am capable.. hopefully with God's help I can..
Journaling - Speaking of that director. Going out to dinner with her tonight. Work meeting only but should prove to be a good time.
She invited me to her Halloween Party. I will have to seriously think about that. There will be ALOT of women there.. I'm not sure I want to be tempted.
So I'm officially starting to GAL the Sh!t out of my weekend (or week) RIGHT NOW! Plans include dinner tonight, kicking a$$ on set, Halloween parade in Weho on Sat, Hiking on Sun, Leadership conference on Monday, and back on "House" on Tuesday.
That should keep me pretty busy.
I am going to have to reschedule my mediation due to work. I do feel bad that it's all based around my work schedule.. however I need to work as much as possible.
I'm making the decision to take care of my own insurance (since 1) wife has threatened to remove me & 2) her offering to pay for it has clearly expired).
Plus my mom is really struggling so I'm paying to have a cleaning lady come to house once a month. I would love to pay for two but that just isn't possible.
These are not my w's problems.. they are mine but that means I have to do what I have to do.
I did think about telling w though because I really don't want her to think I'm trying to use this time to win her back or that I'm avoiding her.. but then again.. she will think what she wants regardless of what I say and do.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
