Your H could still be your emergency contact. I am sure he still cares for you and your well being.
How close by does your H live to you? Can you call him and just say you are on your way somewhere and say you want to drop S off with him for awhile? How often does he see him? I remember how sad I was when I was little and saw my F only a handful of times for years. It was like withdrawal, because I cried for him, and dreamed of him coming home. If only I could have seen him more, it would have been a bit easier for me to bear.
Maybe it is a sign of hesitation on your H's part. Things said in the heat of the moment, like go ahead and get your D, may not reflect what they really mean in their heart. Don't mention anything about your M when you speak to him, don't talk about Ls or D or anything that will steer him to the subject. If he does want a D, he will get the ball rolling. Then, you can get you a bulldog L to protect yourself and your S. You may have to plan out in advance anything you will say to him, so you won't say things you will regret saying later. Let him have those second thoughts, let him see the you he wants to try again with. What you do and say is very important. So, go and GAL, go out and have lots of fun with your S. My S is 18 now, and back then we got in the habit of having our talks in the car, because the car figures big in a boys life. My H saw how much fun we were having, and began to want in on it. He began to enjoy family life again.
So, why is his hesitation harder to take than getting the D stuff over with? I would have hoped for some hesitation on H's part. Maybe you are dwelling too much on things.
