Yes, I have read the DB many times and I'm also reading The Divorce Remedy almost every day.
Yes, I know I screwed up. But I don't think I can push him much farther away. He's not going anywhere. He's committed to me and our child. But I do want him to come CLOSER. I want him to be with me out of DESIRE not OBLIGATION.
I called him last night and made things better. I told him I was sorry and ashamed for how I acted the other night and I know that HE doesn't act like that with ME, which I'm grateful for. I should't have been annoyed with him and I should have honored his feelings rather than PUSHING him. I think he is a jumble of conflicted feelings and he just wants to find a spot where I'll let him be comfortable and be himself and sort things out in his own time and in his own way. When I FORCE him to give me an answer NOW, it is always the opposite of what I want to hear. And I know that is exactly what I deserve.
I told him I was making a PROMISE to be more honoring of him. To not act like I did the other night. I told him there is nothing wrong with me remembering how much we used to enjoy each other and wanting us to enjoy each other again. Or with me finding him so wonderful and attractive and WANTING his kisses. And there is nothing wrong with him feeling whatever way he is choosing to feel. I asked him to be patient with me and even if I don't ask him for a kiss, I might try to "steal" one someday, and for him to not get mad if I "test the waters" from time to time. But I will definitely back off QUICKLY if he makes it clear that he doesn't want to talk, or whatever it is that I'd like to do.
I told him I want him to be able to relax and be comfortable in our relationship and I know he couldn't do that if he knew he couldn't trust me to respect his feelings and his wishes. I knew at the time I needed to back off, it was CRYSTAL CLEAR, but I chose not to. I chose to "get my way" and force an explanation out of him. I DO want to understand WHY I have become so unattractive to him. I want to know WHY he used to do all the things he used to do that made me feel like I was loved. What changed? What can make it better? But he doesn't have the answers. I get extremely annoyed when my kids keep asking me the same question over and over after I already said, "I don't know" and even worse, when they ask "Why???" when they really need to take "no" for an answer. A little empathy goes a long way in a relationship.
He does so many things "right". He treats me well. He's a good father. He does care for me even if it's ILYBINILWY . Maybe he'll develop those romantic feelings again, maybe not. That's up to him. But me getting frustrated with him because he doesn't feel towards me like I think he SHOULD is keeping him from having any desire to move in that direction.
So, I think we're good now. Back on track. And I have made a solemn vow to do better from now on.
