[quote=turkisheye H said he hated how I kept bringing up the past hurt. I have to talk things out and I was seeking reassurance that he just couldn't give. ... I tried to be supportive but made him mad by bringing that fact up and onn the other hand he says he only got work done on them when I nagged him.
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Leave the past in the past and look forward. Michele is big on finding SOLUTIONS for the FUTURE, not spending energy dredging up the past.
I know all about needing to "talk things out" and wanting "reassurance". Do that with a friend or here. Or journal. I can't tell you how helpful it is to me to write out all my thoughts and doubts and plans and whatever and the outcome is ALWAYS better when I don't take every little issue (or even the big issues that he doesn't have the answers about) to him. Men seem to universally HATE relationship talks. Don't seek clarity or reassurance. "Act as if" you are confident and secure and happy.
About him getting stuff done when you nag him...NEVER nag him! He may work best when under pressure, but don't let it be pressure from YOU. His procrastination will have natural and logical consequences that he will suffer, let him be responsible. You probably spent too much time "helping" him. If he asked you, maybe you should have, but on the other hand, if I were a man, it might seem emasculating for my wife to act like I'm not capable of doing my own job search.
Let him be a man! Let him kill his own snakes!
I don't know how long you need to do NC--I think you both need a "time out". Don't make it too long!
