i got so tied up in my own SELF PITY yesterday i let myself down on my POSITIVES for the day...UGH
so today that means i have to post at least 6 to make up for them!!!
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thanks everyone for checking in on me, {pib, sage, kaw, kim, blair, mockers and ud}
blair, do you have a thread somewhere? i would LOVE to come and visit YOU! thanks for the continued CHECK UP on me
ok peeps, the feeling passed yesterday - but i gotta tell you that it was hard yesterday, seems like everything came crashing at once...lemmie chronical...
first - night before last i had this awful dream about hubby's first EA - i dreamt i confronted her about the EA and she came out with much more that had happened between them - it was one of those dreams that leaves you feeling yuck when you wake up in the morning
ok, so i dismissed it as leftover remnants of ickyness - but then something really strange happened
hubby calls me around noon and tells me, when it rains it pours...i said, oh no what NOW??? - he proceeds to tell me that he CALLED this EA GIRL because of a situation with his post office box (they shared - long story, but i knew) and about his cell phone (which she had gotten for him a few years ago - another long story, but i was ok with both of these things)
i was like, ok - he says to me, well things came to a head about the po box and i felt the need to break ALL connections with this her so whlie i had her on the phone after taking care of the po box thing, i told her to get the phone out of her name as well
so he tells me, after this, there is no connection i have with her
i just listen, validate and take it all in - but all the while the dream is in the back of my head - so a little bit of runaway thinking occurs, but i try to stop it, after all - he CALLED me to TELL me these things, no way i could find them out
ok...so i leave well enough alone - then around 3 - hubby's mother calls me to check in, and she tells me that hubby's sister has met up with this woman over the weekend and a mutual function and they talked.
ok, so this blows my mind - two instances of this girl in my life right after the dream - now i am NOT ONE who believes in premonitions but this was a little too freaky for words
i ended up feeling really icky about the whole thing the rest of the day. when hubby came home, he could tell something was wrong, but i didn't say anything - went to our bible study meeting last night and felt much better afterwards
thanks goes to deb for advising me not to approach hubby about it, cause i don't think it would have been good - he came to me with his talk, i should be happy with that
like i said feeling much better today!!!
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POSITIVES
1) hubby came to me to tell me about phone call he had made to first ea
2) hubby is gonna at least be here another week, he went grocery shopping last night and asked me to make him a list yesterday - so he is including me in his plans
3) KIDS ARE BACK TO SCHOOL TODAY AND ALL WELL
4) at 10pm last night he wanted to watch a movie with me, but i told him put something in i have seen cause i got to get up early for the kids - and if i fall asleep i wont feel like i missed anything - so he did and i watched half and fell asleep
5) got my entire list done yesterday, made my list up for today, and have already done a good load of it! gotta keep up with the eat that frog thing...ugh, i need to put that on my list - doing this list thing the night before is wonderful
6) i spent some REAL quality time with daughter - my goal for this month for her is to teach her to write her numbers - she just turned 4 - and she was on her threes yesterday - poor little thing, couldn't get the bottom part of the three to ever work for herself (eventually she did) but she never lost patience in trying, THIS is the part of life i LOVE
Yes Kitti, I get the "itch" to ask, and I have. I am a very verbal person and have a tendency to say exactly what's on my mind. Not always a good thing, especially when DBing.
I think though that timing is everything.
I also think HOW you say things is imperative. You have to be tactful and non-accusatory because that's a pretty loaded question.
Thing is with me though is everytime (almost) I've asked I almost always get the "I don't know" answer. Very frustrating I must say.
Now, I tell him what I need, since he does not seem to know what he needs.
We just had this talk yesterday when he called me. I blew up at him the other night and he called yesterday and I told him how I felt about our R.
I'm really detaching from him and it feels so much better than thinking about our R all the time! Have you been having these thought's Kitti? Rachael
rachel - trying not to have these thoughts. some days the trying works, some days it doesn't - thanks for stopping by
kaw - three triggers, oh yeah, how utterly unobservent of me not to notice - LOL - thanks for the reminders - you will get yours affirmations - they will come - you are about the most patient person i have come across on this board, and you will be rewarded in the end
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POSITIVES
1) about hubby going grocery shopping the other day - he continues to buy things that only "i" enjoy, do you think that "gifts" might be one of his love languages? they say you often use your own love language most...
2) hubby came home and told me that #1EA called him and told him that she had taken care of the cell phone on her end - so he was happy about that
3) since he again brought up, i decided it was ok to have a discussion about my dream and the consequences that followed. i was much calmer yesterday than i was the day before so i handled things well.
we ended up having a pretty nice discussion about things - including a smidgeon of a r talk - but i don't think he knew it was that. i am clear that this poor guy is still handling some pretty awful demons in his head, and they don't deal with me. i am just the nearest thing he has to take it out on
i had a glimmer of hope from the talk last afternoon that things will end up ok between us, once he can work thru these issues.
4) during this discussion, i ended up telling him that i was on a anti-depressent, and that i had been on it for about three months - i have been wanting to tell him for awhile. he said "well that explains some things" - then he wanted to drop it
i wasn't confrontational, but i did ask him, what do you mean? i think he was a bit scared to tell me - but he eventually did after i said, why? have you noticed any change? and he said "yes, because you can be a real bitch sometimes and you haven't been" and then he said "and i have seen a few times where the old you wanted to come out but you have stopped it" -
well i said to him, the medication is helping me with that - and i have come to alot of painful conclusions about me and my life over the last few months as well, and i think coming to grips with some of that has helped as well
now immediately i wanted to tell him, "well you have not been such a walk in the park either" - but i think he knows that - so to sum up - i see he is noticing the changes, that the changes are real, and that he is still going thru an enormous amount of crap (anger)
deb - hey girl, right back atcha, you are going to make it!!!
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POSITIVES
1) hubby cooked dinner last night, but i helped in the kitchen - that was fun
2) hubby wanted me to watch another movie with him again - so we did
3) hubby was really concerned about me yesterday - kept calling - i couldn't quite focus yesterday and he kept asking if i wanted him to come home early - i told him i really appreciated it - he even asked me if i was depressed, he has NEVER asked me that before - maybe he is becoming aware of the possibility that i too can have "mental problems"
4) did i ever mention how much i adore my daughter?
Kitty, Looks like more progress, keep it up! In answer to your question I don't have a thread about me as my ex-wife remarried in June and I'm not trying to save mine. Also, I find the thing that works for me is to help others and fight the lies of the American "divorce machine". Sometimes I start threads but they are not about me. Also, I use my real name and am easily identified so I post less personal stuff. I'm not shy about talking privately ( e-mail me at EBTon3@aol.com ) if you want to know more. My "help" is helping other victims understand the truth about the lie of divorce.
That would do in the hardiest of DBer's! 
Loved your post! You are going to be a success!
