Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Hi 25 - Nice to see you back here and thanks again for the response!

I totally hear what you are saying about the superwoman syndrome... I definitely bought into that falacy... I even had a few "examples" of women who made it work. One at a time, these examples proved false - they left the workforce to be with their children, got divorced or decided not to have kids.

I even had a "role model" - my sister in law. Had her own ad agency, had two beautiful boys and had the perfect marriage with my brother. They always looked so happy together. She had it all it seemed.

Fast forward to 2010... She was still very successful at her job, but she and my B announced their separation - shocking to everyone. Her kids, now teenagers are struggling big time and it turns out she cheated on my brother, so now, after 20 years together they are going to D. So my role model's life didn't turn as wonderful as I thought, and neither did mine.

The ironic thing about my sitch is that I have worked my butt off since I met my husband and we were dating, to build a future for us and our family. I thought that was a demonstration of my love to him. But he never saw it that way, our marriage is done in part due to the lack of baance and we are also losing everything we obtained financially, so there you have it - there is no such thing as superwoman.

But like you say, time to look ahead, not behind and save what I can - myself and my kids. I do plan on sticking to my R long-term - against what everyone tells me. But I am putting any active efforts in the back-burner - I realize this will take a very long time if it will work. And like you say - I might change my mind as well.

For now, H needs to live thru his R with OW and we'll see how that goes... She lives up north, so just logistically it will be hard for them to make it work, but so far, they are doing fine and they really are fighting for it, which is not a good sign for me.

They are also taking it slow in terms of integrating to each other's lives. They are trying to legitimize their R and make everyone believe they just started it and not 10 months ago when they started an EA when both were still with their spouses.

My H is also trying by all means to hide the fact that they were in a PA when she was still living with her H. (He claims since we were already separated, that he never cheated on me - boy that hurts so much). But enough about them...

In the meantime, I am focusing on myself. I have my third session with my new T today - she specializes in anger management and I hope to get some tools that can help me in my day to day...

I talked to our nanny yesterday - I will only be able to employ her for another month on a part-time basis. It's sad - she has been my support system for almost 4 years now. But she needs the money just like I do and she will be looking for another full time job.

And I need to be here for my kids now. The girls are really struggling - new house (moved in just a week before H left last year), the separation and a new baby... I ordered a book on how to deal with divorce and kids... Will also be looking into other resources to help me deal with that and help them transition.

Baby is still not sleeping thru the night and the girls also wake up nightly with nightmares. I am looking forward to that ending - that will be a huge help for me - lack of sleep = a lot of irritability for me - not good for my emotional growth, which is the #1 thing I need to concentrate on - for me, my kids and my M. My H will need to see changes in me on that regard to ever be able to see me differently. It's a trust issue for him - he doesn't trust that I will be different and that our R will ever be any better. I get that, so it's on me to prove him otherwise.

I have to run - my daughter got lice at pre-school so I need to go get them both and deal with that today as well...

I will post soon.

And thanks again for all the support 25!