rachel - trying not to have these thoughts. some days the trying works, some days it doesn't - thanks for stopping by
kaw - three triggers, oh yeah, how utterly unobservent of me not to notice - LOL - thanks for the reminders - you will get yours affirmations - they will come - you are about the most patient person i have come across on this board, and you will be rewarded in the end
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POSITIVES
1) about hubby going grocery shopping the other day - he continues to buy things that only "i" enjoy, do you think that "gifts" might be one of his love languages? they say you often use your own love language most...
2) hubby came home and told me that #1EA called him and told him that she had taken care of the cell phone on her end - so he was happy about that
3) since he again brought up, i decided it was ok to have a discussion about my dream and the consequences that followed. i was much calmer yesterday than i was the day before so i handled things well.
we ended up having a pretty nice discussion about things - including a smidgeon of a r talk - but i don't think he knew it was that. i am clear that this poor guy is still handling some pretty awful demons in his head, and they don't deal with me. i am just the nearest thing he has to take it out on
i had a glimmer of hope from the talk last afternoon that things will end up ok between us, once he can work thru these issues.
4) during this discussion, i ended up telling him that i was on a anti-depressent, and that i had been on it for about three months - i have been wanting to tell him for awhile. he said "well that explains some things" - then he wanted to drop it
i wasn't confrontational, but i did ask him, what do you mean? i think he was a bit scared to tell me - but he eventually did after i said, why? have you noticed any change? and he said "yes, because you can be a real bitch sometimes and you haven't been" and then he said "and i have seen a few times where the old you wanted to come out but you have stopped it" -
well i said to him, the medication is helping me with that - and i have come to alot of painful conclusions about me and my life over the last few months as well, and i think coming to grips with some of that has helped as well
now immediately i wanted to tell him, "well you have not been such a walk in the park either" - but i think he knows that - so to sum up - i see he is noticing the changes, that the changes are real, and that he is still going thru an enormous amount of crap (anger)
