Not too much more to report today, and I'm really OK with it. Had a Cub Scout pack meeting tonight. My S talked to my W again. She had bought him some books at the book fair and was supposed to bring them by the house for him. She never did it. He sold her some popcorn.
My S and I just hung out this evening and played a board game before bed.
I think in this case part of it is the mind of the WAS and part of it is just her nature. She has typically been the less organized and less responsible person in the relationship. I think that's a contributor to the mess we're in right now. It's like she wants freedom without responsiblity. But then again, a lot of us are in that boat, no?
I used to ride her about being organized and about responsibilities. I know it took its toll in our M. I've spent the last 3 years after bomb #1 and MC learning just to relax and accept her for who she is. I've learned overlook some of things that bothered me. Now I feel like if we D, there is a risk I'll start picking up and thinking about those things that bother me about her. Even going through the seperation some of those traits are magnified.
My usual GAL'ing activity on Tuesday nights of the Healing Relationships group (a.k.a Ladies' group) was cancelled tonight. Plan B was to meet up with the associate pastor of my church and a couple of other guys at a Starbucks. However it was his birthday today and he was going to spend it with his family (lucky! ) so I decided not to go. I didn't do any exercise this morning, so I doubled up on my bike rides this evening for a total of 17 mi., under the cover of darkness . The weather was great, it was in the lower 60s. It sure beats riding in when it's in the upper 30s.
I did have a short encounter with my W today. When she got to my house, my S and I were tossing a frisbee in the back yard, with the dog occasionally participating. It was a pleasant exchange, as most of them are.
I did get an email today with some pictures one of the ladies from my Tuesday night group took while we were at the trunk and treat and pig roast at church on Sunday. She put together a nice collage. I think I'm going to post it on FB to further advertise my GAL'ing with my S.
Glad your exchange went well. You seem so laid back, I can't imagine how it could be any different.
ROMB were talking about you and we believe you are the real deal. There's no way you could fake being such a good man. Let me tell you once again, as if you don't already know this === your W is missing out on one stellar guy. You have at least two BIG fans pulling for you in ROMB and myself!!! (ROMB is a pretty awesome woman herself, actually)
And glad we're all located and well in the alternate universe. lol.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
There's no way you could fake being such a good man. Let me tell you once again, as if you don't already know this === your W is missing out on one stellar guy.
Thanks for that, IS. You're too kind. I'm actually just a work in progress. I've done a lot of growing up and learning during the course of our M. These two bombs over the last 3 years or so have really accelerated the process. Maybe one of these days, I'll finally earn my Master's degree from HKU (Hard Knocks University)
these life changing heart wrenching events have a way of forcing us to do some soul searching that I'm pretty darn sure i wouldn't have done - only under this extreme duress.
We're all works in progress. One big difference in LBS and WAS that I've noticed is that we are troupers and don't bail on something just because it wasn't 'perfect'. I think we give others the benefit of the doubt a lot more than WAS in some ways.
Even though I backslide ---- heck a LOT lately....I have made positive changes for ME and i WILL be a better person ultimately. I cannot decisively say that about W. She certainly has her own issues -- and instead of working on them, chooses to mask them by immediately starting this new 'perfect' R.
Keep on keeping on.....
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Pretty calm day today. I hope it stays that way. It would be OK with me. Just tired today. I keep burning the candle at both ends.
No contact with my W today thus far.
No exercise today, either. I rode 17 mi. last night so I could take the day off.
I will have my S this evening. I am planning to work with him to carve his pumpkin tonight. We also need to work on some things for his Cub Scout meeting tomorrow night. So - I think we'll be pretty busy tonight!
One thing my W mentioned the other day was sort of interesting. She asked if she could come to the house for trick-or-treat next Monday, so we could maintain the tradition we've had. I told her sure - it would be helpful to me - and it would be. I can walk with my S now and she can stay at home and pass out candy or vice versa.
Tonight was a mixed bag. I had my S. Overall we had a good time together, but there was some drama mixed in.
After dinner my S said he was going to mention something about my W that would probably make me mad. He asked if I was going to be mad if he told me Mommy was going out on a date tonight. I guess he overheard something this morning. After awhile the shock value wears off. However, it is really hurting him. We ended talking about what the right thing to do is. He knows the difference between right and wrong. He said he wished Mommy would go back to church. He said one of the reasons he goes over there is to try to get her to do the right thing. I just told him he can't change her. He said she's not being a very good Mom. He said he goes over there and it's rare that she spends time with him. He even went as far as to say if she wanted someone who would love her and make her better, she should just come home. How do you respond to a 10 year old?
I am losing respect for my W. I don't like this person she's turning into. I don't like what she's doing, and it does hurt. I think it would hurt more if I hadn't been working on myself so much or if there was some shock value attached. She may tell me it's nothing serious, but it's WRONG. And it could easily turn into something serious. Don't get me wrong - I still love her. But she's hard to love. It makes me more ambivalent toward D for sure. I will continue to do the right thing, though. As far as I'm concerned, there's no other way. I have no plans to pursue D myself as I don't think it's the right answer, but I'm not as worried about seeing any paperwork anymore. Now - could I reconcile with her? Probably, but we'd need a lot of help. I can't automatically say that I could. It's not like it's anything I need to worry about in the immediate future.
Despite all this, my S and I did still have a good time carving his pumpkin. We both bounced back and just enjoyed each other. We posted the pumpkin on FB just for grins. We're advertising our GAL'ing nowadays.
I feel bad for you S, especially since he can feel and see the devastation of your W's decisions. Not much you can say to a 10 year old who thinks more rationally than a WAS.
You are doing a great job of setting an example of him JB. You deserve much props for being an awesome father to him. He will be able to look back and see how graciously who have handled yourself in this mess. Excellent job my friend.
I can relate to not being sure if you would even want to reconcile at this point. All we can do is continue to follow the markers of this marathon. Keep on keeping on.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
) so I decided not to go. I didn't do any exercise this morning, so I doubled up on my bike rides this evening for a total of 17 mi., under the cover of darkness 
. The weather was great, it was in the lower 60s. It sure beats riding in when it's in the upper 30s.