GALing and Boundaries with XH

[AntoniaB]

AJ you are very right, it's not the ex I miss anymore, it's the general feeling I miss of that affection/intimacy.

I think where I thought wrong was that I assumed that once I was "over" XH as far as not wanting to find a person who reminded me of him, looked like him, etc., that I'd be sort of instantly in that place where I'd get back that feeling I missed.

I mean, when I went on the dates in the summer with the eharmony guys (well not so much dates as just get to know you meetings) I felt that it was all so wrong, and too early. I felt guilty for even talking to them because I was still so firmly attached to XH. I really am not anymore. It's at the point where I am praying that he finds himself. I'm not praying to have him back at all. I don't think he would "get" me at all now, and I can't even say I'd want the "old" him back. I want something else in many ways. So my assumption was that once I got to that point, the rest would very easily fall into place.

I suppose that what I need to do is to just get out there more in terms of meeting people in general...male or female...helping people where I can, making new friends. And perhaps someone will know someone down the road? Or I'll find friends to go out with to places where I'm not so comfy going alone, and I'll meet someone that way.

I actually looked into more meetup groups around here and there are no intellectual groups at all...by that I mean something like a book discussion group. The closest one is in PA, like 2 hours north! When I left the restaurant tonight I started wondering if I should start one? It may be that the library has one...so I will look into that.