Back home - but for how long?

[NYCPeter]

I am truly blessed to have found this site and all the helpful advice.

H - I think you are right, or I hope you are right.

GAL isn't easy for me - I usually don't get home until 8pm, I like to go home rather than hang around the city so I can put the girls to bed (this was a 180/GAL for me when the bomb first dropped). I deliberately don't work from home (another 180) so I can spend time with the W and girls. W works Fri / Sat nights so it doesn't give me much social time. I don't have any friends in the town we live in - most of my friends live in the city, so any GAL activity would involve joining a local social group and not many meet at 9pm on week nights.

I could do solitary GAL activities (go to the driving range, start running in the mornings) - but I'm struggling for a more social activity.

Omega - I think your comments on control conflict are spot on, I also think quit smoking (I did it successfully for 6 months b4 the bomb) and drinking would be a much deeper change. Re: "Hey W, I noticed there was X amount of dollars withdrawn from our account. What was that for?" - I didn't notice until we went to refinance the house - it was all credit card debt she said she built it up and was afraid to mention it to me as I would get angry - she's right I would have been angry but not as angry as I was when I eventually found out.

Accuray - I'm going to give some thought to your questions and will answer when I've done so - the comment you made "Wanting to reconcile after an affair does not make you a doormat" is true - but the key word is "after", while the affair continues (and there seems to be some doubt, though I think the comments make it clear - you don't accidently leave your uniform at someone's house, particularly as she drives) is a complete disrespect to me and our M.

One thing I asked for while we were trying to work things out was that we would behave respectfully to each other.