Just to touch more specifically on your D's sleeping, for example... we cannot force our children to have 10 hours of sleep every night... their bodies will regulate what ever is appropriate for them...
put your D to bed at 7pm and she will either fall asleep (because she's tired and not stimmed) or she will toss and turn and fret until she is tired and falls asleep...
your D will either wake up once or three times or five times through the night... there's nothing you can do to prevent that...
your D will get 8 or 10 or 12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period... that will be up to her...
if you lived in china, 7pm would be at a different global clock than 7pm at your time zone... the point is, what "time" your D goes to bed is only relevant around YOUR schedule... she will get the sleep necessary and will adjust if something is "off"...
the saying that "kids are resilient" is very true as simply stating that people are resilient... IOW, they operate one way for us, another for their other spouse, and for grand parents or baby sitters or daycare or school or out socially...
We cannot control those other people or environments or how our child behaves and operates in those environments...
It sux when I send the kids home after too much candy... it sux when I hear that my kids didn't get to go to an event while under the care of my W... it sux when the kids go to school and tell me "so and so was mean to me"... but they "survive" and they rebound back...
But no matter what... what I KNOW... is that every person will care for and raise a child in the best way they know how... unless someone is actually going to severely harm (a not so relative term; we all understand what severe harm means)... they will be OK and will adjust to whatever rhythm of the environment we create for them...
So that's my take on the whole "I want / my exBF wants my W's sleep pattern to be..."
Your D will be fine and she will end up being a great kid and adult, given a few or a few dozen years...
