Ugh...stressed, sad, still hanging on by a thread

[jbnati]

I wish he could see in my heart- lately I surprise even myself with the shift in my thoughts. I find myself being more tolerate and kind, not that I wasn't before, but I was guilty of negative, unkind thoughts. I am really working on the power of positive thinking!

Good for you! This is very good stuff! It sounds like you are using this to grow and become a better person. These changes don't sound like they're superficial, they're coming from deep inside. That's the only way the changes will last. Unfortunately, I don't think your H is in a position to truly understand or trust the changes, at least right now. That doesn't mean he'll never come around. But the bottom line is you are working on yourself. I think it will benefit your relationships with other people as well the relationship with your H.

Since all of the drama I posted about last, things are once again pleasant. I haven't seen him, however, since last week. We did have the longest conversation we've had in a while yesterday and it was positive overall.

Good, glad to hear it! Hold on to these positives, while at the same time be prepared for more testing and pull backs. It's all part of the WAS roller coaster.

It kills me how he speaks to me when he's in front of other people- there is such an edge to his voice that isn't usually there when he's alone. It makes me think part of his problem is that he has painted himself into a corner with what he has told people about us.

I know what you mean. You can't focus on it though. You know where you are in the situation. I'm sure my W is telling people something entirely different from her side like, "Oh, we just couldn't work it out" or "We're just heading in different directions", etc. However, I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid. I know where I am on things and that's where I choose to focus.

I will definitely see him tomorrow, please keep me in your prayers!

Will do!

My pastor and the priest that married us keep reminding me that He is the God of impossibilities...

I truly believe this from the depths of my soul. There's a reason I have the scripture I do in my signature, but that's a much longer story...

I believe God is using my situation for a purpose. I am getting occasional glimpses of it, but TBH I don't always see the big picture. When I take a step back and try to think about the big picture, I'm in a better place. So - when you get too close to the details of your situation, maybe it's time to take a step back and try to focus on the big picture.