The changes you make always need to be for you. They just don't stick otherwise.
That being said, it takes time to not be so focused on them that you are reading between the lines and desperatly trying to figure out what they want so you can make it all better. Truth is you can't. Not that way.
When you do an honest assessment of your behavior in the marriage and look at the person you are vs who you may want to be, that's where ownership and changes come in. It isn't easy and again, it takes time.
I used to be so impatient to stop feeling like cr@p and to truly be detached and stop spinning. To tell me that it took time made me a little crazy.
Whether or not he acts like it's affecting him or not, doesn't mean anything. You don't know what's in his head. That he tells you he misses the kids is good.
As far as too much time passing, that remains to be seen. The best you can do is to take care of yourself and your kids. Focus on what you can control, which is only yourself. As much as you want him to see the hurt, anger and damage, it won't help to have it in his face. It's just pressure.
What can you do that might make you feel better? Does taking a long walk or some form of exercise work for you? Journaling? It may only help for a minute at a time right now, but you build on that.
