It [censored] about the recent revelation (or lack thereof because it can just be girl talk).
Like most who have posted before, this is where you have to make a decision and that's whether or not to continue to DB or not. You need to understand that if you do confront her, you're giving your W the push she needs to walk out on your M and file that much quicker which imo and to your being here, you do not want. If there is anything to speak with your W about, I'm frankly surprised you haven't brought up casually, "Hey W, I noticed there was X amount of dollars withdrawn from our account. What was that for?" It's an honest question, it's not accusatory and it puts the ball in her court.
You'll be needing to decide if your M is worth coming back from all that's come before and this new news. This is a testament to your vows and your love for one another. It's a testament to how strong you really are.
I'm not the greatest expert, but have you thought about some of the deeper changes you can make that your W may not have mentioned but if you did them, I'm certain she'd notice. Have you thought about not drinking or quitting smoking? These and much more can add to your GAL goals and can be seen as positive reinforcement and positive change.
You also need to overcome control conflict. I understand your need to be overprotective for your family and your W as it is an instinct we all have as spouses, but sometimes you just need to take a backseat and let things unfold while you quite simply, do you. Be there for your daughters and be there for yourself. Understand that in the grand scheme of things, you do not need your W. Heck, your W doesn't need you, but the goal and idea is for your W to WANT you in her life, not need you. Yes, it [censored] and it's going to eat at you but you must understand that it is your controlling nature with information that may or may not be true that drives your wife away. Let it go. Leave it be. Would you want your W to come back to someone that's needy and controlling or someone who's sure of themselves and who they are as a person?
Your W is obviously conflicted on a lot of things, and she needs to do this on her own, without your input and without your control. It [censored], it's tough but in the long run it will be worth it no matter what happens because you can take pride that whether or not your M makes it, you did what you had to on your part. You have to let your W be the one to make the moves. You can't lose a game if you aren't playing it.
I wish you the best NYCPeter, and you have my prayers and hope.
