Well, we're at a stalemate again. I know what I can do and say without getting him upset. It really makes NO difference to him if I hug him, tell him how much I love him and appreciate him and how important he is to me. He gladly gives and receives casual hugs and sometimes a "friendly" kiss.
I mentioned a few days ago that I was starting to get hungry for a "real" kiss. Last night in the parking lot where I picked up my daughter, I hugged him andI asked him when I could have another kiss. He looked away and said he didn't know, but "not now". He walked to his car and I said, "Soon?" and he didn't say anything. I got on my phone and called him and asked if he just never wanted to kiss me again and he said he didn't want to talk about it. I told him it was important, but he insisted that he didn't want to talk, to I hung up. A while later I called him back and tried to pry into his mind. He said he is not physically attracted to me, he doesn't want to kiss me and he doesn't want me to ask him to kiss me.
That leaves me with only the option of trying to put him in a situation where he can kiss me (sufficient privacy) and "stealing" a kiss and hoping he gets into it like he did last time. Last time he was at my house (he won't let me come to his) and we had supper and I led him to my bedroom while or little girl was on the computer and I sat him on the bed and all I wanted was for him to LET ME KISS HIM. After about 5 seconds, he was kissing me back and started touching me in ways I hadn't expected. I think it went so much better than I could have dreamed and it was incredibly satisfying for me. It was almost like "old times".
I can re-create that situation. He likes to come to my house and make sure it is tidy and he also likes to eat my food. I will not expect him to "kiss me back" and take it further. I just want him to let me kiss him for a minute or so. I could even set a timer!! He could, if he wanted, sit in his car with me like we used to and let me kiss him when I'm picking up our daughter.
We create our relationships. We should be able to create a MUTUALLY satisfying relationship. I am willing to take a LOT LESS than I would really LIKE and I want him to GIVE a little MORE than comes naturally. I love him and I'm not looking to totally change his nature, but I would like for him to stretch out of his comfort zone just a LITTLE. Nobody else would settle for as little as I'm willing to. But we BOTH need to find a way to get our BASIC NEEDS met.
