I do get that being single a long time is normal, and that it's not the end of the world. I wish I knew more long-term single people in my area. They just don't seem to exist. So I guess what this all comes down to is jealousy.
I am jealous of every person I see who is with someone and who seems to take it for granted. I'm sure I was once one of those people.
I know a total of 2 single people outside this message board. TWO. And I know hundreds of people. One of those single people is a guy who has 4 friends with benefits...so he's having regular intimacy with no ties with women he trusts. He seems quite happy. The other single person is the woman I mentioned above who is just an acquaintance who's been divorced many years and has horrifically low self-esteem. Everyone else I know at work or elsewhere is married, and for anywhere from 10 to 30 years.
Now obviously, some people in relationships are not in a great place. But I guess I tell myself that the fact that they are in a rel., for better or worse, means that they have a chance to be "better." I have nothing in that respect.
I also know that I have a lot to offer a mate...especially with the changes I've made, and the men that were part of my XH's and my friend network for 20 years always said I the wife that "everyone wished they could have because I was so cool."
Hi, most of what you have said in this post, including what is quoted above, I really related to for quite a long. I truly believe it is a phase of the grieving and the development process that we go through. We rethink everything if we are the analytical types, if we are sensitive and raised to be self critical [which has its own advantages and disadvantages[.
It is true that there are few self sufficient single people. I know a few, including a greatly loved aunt, now dead. Two of my single friends have entered into somewhat dysfunctional relatonships because they didn't want to be alone. Another who was fine with being single met and married a great guy,
One of my best friends had a long time on her own and met a great guy through a dating agency.
There are lots of happy marriages, which is good, because we need toknow that this is possible, and the norm. There are lots of less successful marriages where people hang on . . . . maybe they could be better. The pool of unattached men post 40 isn't huge. BUT I agree with all of the posters, one way or another we will meet the right person when we are truly ready. The right person for you may currently be grieving the loss of his partner, through death or divorce. And finally you may end up with someone you never dreamt of being with who makes you very very happy.
That is my beef with some dating agencies - they [rightly probably] try and match similar interests. But those of us on a journey are in a continual state of growth and change. Your ideal mate might be an oil-rig worker who reads poetry. I suspect that the person you meet will not be what you expect at all.
Antonia, you are an amazing woman. You will meet someone very special, but as you have noticed, there are not queues of single men waiting around at this stage in our lives, and I am older than you.
The point about masculine and feminine energy is a great one. I had heard about it before but I think I need to revisit that one. All part of a wonderful journey which I am now enjoying rather than enduring.
If you haven' read it i recommend Louise Hay's 'You can heal your life' I am working through it again with a friend and it is healing her and helping me to revisit this stuff.
