GALing and Boundaries with XH

[AntoniaB]

Yes this whole venture makes me VERY nervous. I have no dating experience other than XH. No intimacy other than XH. Just a few random dates in HS with guys I barely remember who pursued me and who I went out with just so I could say I went out with "someone." Never told anyone else I loved them but XH; never slept with anyone else.

I feel horribly out of my league and yet like this hourglass is just spewing sand...counting down the remaining days of my life, lol.

Most of the time I feel like XH's betrayal ruined me for ever being with anyone else, because despite what he did, I loved him so completely, and I was attracted to him and never wavered on that. He still looks 10 or more years younger than his age and is incredibly handsome. I never see any guys who look anywhere near as good as he used to look to me (I say used to because I will admit that recent pics I see of him, I'm no longer attracted to him...he has this weird smile he never had before that I really hate!)

Anyway, aside from all that, I take it that you mean I need to try to get out more and meet people in places I haven't tried yet. I can try that, sure.

I did actually have 2 eharmony dates and they were AWFUL. In both cases, the guys told me that I was great, but that they were just too socially awkward for me. The first date, the guy and I spent a month talking on email every day, and phone convos in the week prior to meeting. I tried to meet him earlier and he kept getting "sick" at the last minute and cancelling. When we finally met, we were together 30 min. and he said he felt sick again, and he ended the date at just over an hour. He emailed me a few hours after to tell me that he had gone home and vomited. He also said that this was purely nerves, that he had terrible anxiety over meeting me as he "knew he would never be able to pull off the same guy he was on email in person and that I'd reject him." This guy turned out to be a basket case. He kept asking ahead of time for me to "commit" to staying friends if we didn't have chemistry, so I said sure, and I tried to just keep up a friendship. He dropped the ball fast, though, after we met. It was like that dude on South Park. He was completely freaked out to meet in person, and yet on letters, he was suave as can be.

The other date I had on eharmony, well I asked that guy to meet after just a few emails, figuring don't waste a month of your life on someone and build something up that never goes anywhere. He thought that was a good plan. I met him. We talked 4 hours. Got along great.

3 days later, I got an email from him, saying this: "I don't really have a good sense of identity and I'm not sure where I'm going in life at all, so I don't think I'm a good match for you, but you're terrific."

???

In both cases, these were guys who had never married, about 40 or 42, and had never had long-term relationships. They seemed to want instant wives--and when we didn't hit it off as that on the first meeting, they bolted.

So as a result I changed my parameters on eharmony to include men who may have had children...(I'm a no kid person myself) and I've gotten a ton more matches but they just don't seem interested. I've sent out some icebreakers and these guys just flat out don't respond. They don't close me as a match, but the ignore me. It's messed up.